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Do you think this is the wrong thing to do? (don't really know what category to put this under...)

Okay, I am 20 years old. When I was 16, I met this guy who was 19. Basically, we were together for 2years. Throughout those 2 years he became a controlling, alcoholic, abusive jerk. I wasn't allowed to have friends, he pushed EVERY one away, even family. Forced me into an abortion...and when I became pregnant again (Yes, I was on birthcontrol) he beat the crap out of me when I told him I wasn't having another abortion. He beat me throughout my pregnancy until finally the last week of my pregnancy, he went to jail, and was gone for the birth of his daughter. When he got out, I decided to give him one more chance because she was his daughter. He started telling me he didn't believe she was his, and started lying to me all over again...and sneaking off to sleep with other women, and the anger began to come back...so I left. When I left, I met a new man, and he was wonderful. I tried to let my ex take our (cont)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:55 AM on May. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • (cont)daughter on the weekends, so he could still spend time with her, but he only wanted her when it was convenient for him. If he wanted to go out and get drunk, he'd rather do that then see his daughter....and when he would have her, he'd call me in the middle of the night telling me he couldn't handle it. Mind you, he was about 23yrs old at this point, and living with his parents. Anyway...one day when he had her...he texted me telling me exactly this "Im going to kill our daughter" I called the police got escorted there to get her...and since then we've gone through the courts. He gets her every sunday from 12-8pm. He recently got in trouble. (cont)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:56 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • (cont) He has a new girlfriend, and she has two little girls, both under the age of 3. Him, his girlfriend, and a friend drove to her ex boyfriend's house (with the little girls in the car) and they beat the crap out of him (he's the little girls father, the guy they beat up) they smashed his face in with a brick and stole his wallet. All in front of these little girls! Needless to say, she got them taken away. But anway...so he's charged with Armed Robbery. I read on several different websites that Felony Conviction/Incarceration is grounds for terminating parental rights. So, if he gets convicted...would it be wrong of me to try and terminate his rights through the court? He does nothing for her...and him staying in her life is only going to hurt her in the long run. She is now 2.5. I just think it would be best for him to stay out of her life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:56 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • (cont)Me and the man I met back when she was 4 months old...is still around, and we have an 11 month old little boy...and he has stepped up, and been more of a father to my daughter than her bio father will ever be. Even if I don't have my fiance adopt her, I still would want my ex's rights terminated. Trust me, I wouldn't miss the $35/week child support checks. So, do you think it's horrible of me to want to terminate his rights to our daughter? He didn't care about her before...he said she'd just be another bill...and all because there's another man in her life...he wants to be a part of her life too? It's crap. He can't even take care of himself. Opinions? Sorry this was SOO long...I just needed you to have the details ya know?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:56 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • I would keep her away from him- he sounds incredibly dangerous and if he does want anything to do with her than you might as well protect her as much as you can and terminate his rights- if things continue to go great with the man you are with now maybe one day he will adopt her! Even if he doesnt adopt her she will still have him to look up to. Your ex sounds dangerous and if he has threatend to kill her before i would not want him near my child whatsoever
    MamaHardy2008

    Answer by MamaHardy2008 at 7:59 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • I don't want him any where near her at all..but it doesn't matter what I say...every time we go to court...the judge just keeps giving him MORE visitation rights. I don't understand it. I really hope he gets convicted and goes to jail....and then I can TRY to drop him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:06 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • Yes definitly look into getting his rights terminated, he's not a good father. Keep your daughter away from him.
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 8:22 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • you can't make someone be a father and it sounds like thats what you've been trying to do all along.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:28 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • he told you from the start he didnt want a child by making you abort, then you get pregnant again...he beats you..you still insist that he father your child??? sounds kinda wacky that you would want him to have anything to do with him after that. even after he sends you a text saying he is going to kill your daughter...why in the hell would you put your daughter in that situation? who cares what the court says? he doesnt want to be a dad and i can bet you he will not fight you in court over it.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:30 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • He WILL fight me in court over it. Because ever since I had a new man in my life...my ex has been fighting me to get more visitation with our daughter. It's a pride thing to him...I don't think he really gives a crap about our daughter...he just doesn't want another man being her "daddy" I haven't been pushing him to be a father....I have been trying to keep him away from her as much as possible. I even have a restraining order in place that has been in place for over two years now. He can't come anywhere near us, or even call. The only time he can be anywhere near my daughter is on the day he has visitation. Other than that...there is no communication between us what so ever. I'm just trying to figure out if I'd be horrible to keep her from him, because everyone else says even though he is not a good person, he is her father, and he should be able to be in her life. But just cuz he's her bio dad dont mean he should be there
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • no you are not horrible. I've kinda been in the same situation. My son's father wanted nothing to do with him until i enforeced child support on him...then he started crying that he "has rights". i told him he wanted nothing to do with him before and if he wanted to see him he could go hire a lawyer. He has the right to kiss my ass.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:14 AM on May. 6, 2010

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