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MY STEP SON IS RIPPING MY FAMILY APART!

My step son is 14 and has severe anger issues. He blames me for everything and is very verbally abusive to me. This is killing my husband he does not know what to do. I am at the point where I think we should seperate to take the target out of home. My husband doesn't agree. We are very much in love and want to do what is best for our family. But what is that?

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FRAZZLED301

Asked by FRAZZLED301 at 8:39 AM on May. 6, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Counseling
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:45 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • Send his butt to boot camp!
    hornz102485

    Answer by hornz102485 at 8:46 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • Can the child live with his BM? If so, send him... also have you considered family counseling and anger management for your ss?
    Your husband needs to put his foot down with his son and put the child in his place. Yes the boy may be hurt bc of his mother and fathers divorce, but he needs to know WHO is the parent of the home and he also needs to learn respect.
    Good Luck I hope it all works out
    gmasboy

    Answer by gmasboy at 8:47 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • He came to live with us because his mother assaulted him. He just came back from a group home and we are in family counciling. They tell us we have to force him to fix his relationship with his mother but that seems to making things worse. He also knows the system. At points it feels like he is pushing us to the point that he wants someone to hit him. Then its if you touch me I am going to call the cops. He just is so uncontrollable. My husband and I are both to a point where we don't know what to do with him.
    FRAZZLED301

    Answer by FRAZZLED301 at 9:00 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • I think I'd find a different counselor. You cannot force someone to "fix" a broken relationship with another person. Often they will do that but it has to be when they are ready to, not when someone else decides they must. You might try getting him into anger management classes. Probably things won't get a whole lot better until you get to the root of his anger and help him to face and deal with that. He could very well have self-esteem issues also. Kid's sometimes get thinking of themselves in a very negative way and so act out in ways that push people away from them when what they really want is to be loved and cared for. Set the rules, stick to them and remind him a LOT that he is a basically good kid and loved. Find a counselor that will help you all and not try to force the boy to do something he isn't ready for.
    meriana

    Answer by meriana at 9:27 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • Hornz may be onto something. Maybe not boot camp but they do have Military schools for children...a friend of mine was uncontrollable when he was younger and his parents sent him to a Military school and it did wonders for who he is now. It's worth looking into!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • Sounds like he has a bad past of violence living with his mom, maybe it is all he knows. Try counseling. Also maybe seeing as how most of it is towards you, it might be 1 of 2 things. He thinks you are trying to take his mothers place or he may feel that you don't care about him especially if you have other children. He may see you treat them differently even if you do not realize it. Try some one on one time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • this sounds so hard :(
    how involved is the father with his son's discipline? it seems like it should be mostly dad's job. all i can say is for you to try not take anything he says personally. if you can somehow pretend the words never came out of his mouth? he probably doesn't care if you take away the computer or cell phone or social events, does he?
    this is a hard age for kids, and even harder with broken families, and dysfunctional families too.
    i am in no way saying his actions should be excused, and i am not saying that you should be treated poorly either.
    how long have you been in counseling? hopefully this will just needs more time.
    sorry.
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 1:14 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • Where is the mother? Let her deal with it, not your problem.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 10:35 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • He came to live with us because his mother assaulted him. He just came back from a group home and we are in family counciling. They tell us we have to force him to fix his relationship with his mother but that seems to making things worse. He also knows the system. At points it feels like he is pushing us to the point that he wants someone to hit him. Then its if you touch me I am going to call the cops. He just is so uncontrollable. My husband and I are both to a point where we don't know what to do with him.

    Sounds like its possible his mom didnt really abuse him that he just wanted an easy out and now hes doing the same to you. I wouldnt want him back either if I were the bm
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 AM on May. 7, 2010

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