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Sister-in-law drama?

I think my sis-in-law hates to go over to my house and take the kids for a visit. I ask her why and she just gives me "uhm, I'm just lazy, I can't get up in the morning, I don't function during the day, or I don't feel like getting out." Sounds like excuses to me. I want her kids to be use to being around us. You know, get to know our side of the family and have a relationship with us. But she won't, she doesn't want to. My brother makes up excuses for her too sometimes. When she does take the kids over, which is like once a month if that. It's because she needs something, or needs to go somewhere and there's no one else in her fam to watch the kids. But when she leaves them they cry for her and the oldest throws a tantrum and starts to scream her head off. Sis hear that and she feels guilty for leaving them and will come back a few min later. She says she feels bad for leaving them and will take them.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on May. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • I tell her they cry when she leaves 'cuz they're not use to us and that she needs to take them over more often. We go over for visits sometimes, but I feel she should take turns in taking the kids to my house too. I invite her to the park and places to take the kids, but she won't do it till she gets herself picture perfect ready (4 hours later). Then she cuts the trip short and makes me feel like it's just us that she doesn't like or doesn't want the kids to be around us. Maybe I'm just tripping and miss interpreting the whole thing, IDK. What do you think?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • Why would you want to force them to have a relationship with you? If they don't want to come over find someone who actually wants to spend time with you and your kids. Then let her feel like an ass for missing out on being close with your family, you've done your part, now move on, the balls in her court.
    newmomma14

    Answer by newmomma14 at 12:30 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • You know, not EVERYONE want's a big close extended family.
    Not EVERYONE
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • It sounds like you are making all the effort. It also sounds like she might be suffering from depression. Invite her and the kids to the park a day or two in advance and set a specific time. Plan a family barbeque on the weekend and tell your brother about it as well as your SIL. I'd keep trying, but try not to let it bother me too much if she doesn't come around.

    My MIL is like this; she won't even come over to our house for dinner. I keep asking. My husband says it is because she is self-conscious.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • 1.I know not everyone want an extended family, but she doesn't mind going to her family or having everyone on her side over.

    2.We're not forcing them to have a relationship with us. We just want the kids to know us and spend time with us. We're close family oriented people. She's just not that close with us. This are my mom's only grand kids from my brother and she wants to have some kind of bond with them. Is that too much to ask?

    3.I have giving her a date and time to when to meet and she always ends up showing up real late and cutting it short all the time. I think she is depressed and I have offered to take the kids away for a bit so she can go out and have time with her friends, but she won't do that. Now she's thinking in moving away to another state.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • I hate it when people do that. Both of my SIL's are like that. They are always up in their families asses, but when it comes to us it's like were nothing. I'm not like that. I always take my kids to my in-laws because I believe that it's not fair to keep my kids from them. Oh well you can't win them all. Both you and your mom will have to learn how to deal that you can't be in their lives. I have, I love my nieces and nephews, but I'm not gonna kiss anybodies ass.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • Obviously you don't get that not everyone wants family in their back pocket. You are trying to force a close relationship because you admitted you are "close family oriented people" which reads "we think you should spend huge amounts of time with us". Why is it such a big deal for her kids to be with you anyway? You have your own, worry about them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • Obviously you don't get what "close family oriented people" means. It's obvious your extended family is not important to you. Having a relationship with grand kids is important to some people. If you're not a grandma yet, wait till you are and see how you feel about wanting to see your grand kids and not being able to. To have a close family doesn't mean you need to have them in your "back pocket" or "we think you should spend huge amounts of time with us". It is the quality of time at work that counts and the quantity of time at home that matters.
    All good relationships in life have the same things in common. Quality time together and Positive communication.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on May. 6, 2010

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