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big fight with my dh?2

plz read : big fight with my DH?1.
he came and told me that hes gonna take to baby for a ride( he never did it before he doesnt know how to deal with him).this is when i told that i m the one who need to get some fresh air and i m the one who s gonna go out he didnt want to give me the car keys saying that i haave to calm and this is his car.blabla he mentionned that his ex wife was nicer than me and i m not because i was yelling.after that i appologize and told him that i need compassion i need his support but didnt care much he said he isnt that type of guy who is gonna support me when i m mad or angry. that means that i dont have the right to be mad.heeeeeeelp, im trying to keep my family i need support but i can t count on him on the bad days

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on May. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • You know, you can consolidate the question into one...just carry this stuff over to the first reply of question 1.

    Sounds like he was being a jerk. Ther's no such thing as not having a right to feel anything. Feelings have nothing to do with rights and are never right or wrong...they just ARE.

    Men don't do compassion and support. They want things they can FIX. If they can hammer it or glue it, they're on it. Give him more PRECISE tasks. And feel free to dump that which isn't vital for survival to get the rest you need.

    And everybody has bad days. Doens't mean the dissolution of marriage.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:20 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • u know i was crying and begging him to hold me and he didnt want to. he said he has to think abt himself and his family( parents, sisters and the baby excluding me)

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • Think about them how? I repeat...JERK. You ARE his family...the only family he got to choose. He's STUCK with everyone else in his life.

    He's being a jerk.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:34 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • I took a different view on this,,,so try to stay with me here. Ok, so he comes in and you are stressed and tired and done. Im thinking he wanted to take the baby off your hands for awhile, give you a few minutes to breath in and out and calm down. He could see that he couldnt calm you down, so I think he just wanted to walk away and give you space. Does that make sense? Also,,,he didnt want you driving b/c you where so upset. A lot of times, when the kids where babies and I was having a melt down, I was not consolible,,,we all get that way when we are so tired. Next time he grabs the keys and the baby,,,go take a bath, go call a friend or your mom and get it out. Guys dont do well with emotions, some are better then others but on a whole guys just want to fix things,,,right then. Hope this helped,,,,:)

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • he said i m driving him crazy and he cares abt them if something happens to him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • yup u r right. but if he just came held me and said couple nice words i would be much better what upset me a lot is his way ignoring me and waiting until i calm down

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • DO yourself a favor, hon. Forget this. It happened. He likely already has forgotten most of it. You now know that when you are stressed, let him take the baby off your hands and you go do a Calgon escape. (Hot bath or the like.) You won't get him to sit and share feelings...most guys don't do that. They haven't a CLUE how to.

    Relax, breathe..and remember that when you're overwhelmed, dump that which isn't needed to breathe.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:40 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • "what upset me a lot is his way ignoring me and waiting until i calm down "

    A lot of men do this. They cannot handle the upset angry wife.

    I personally prefer to be left alone when I'm mad and will remove myself from the company of others. Otherwise I'm likely to say something that will make the situation worse.

    He was being a jerk. Yes. BUT....there is a little bit of wisdom there.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:42 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • OP: Tx gdiamante. what abt him comparing between me and his ex wife?should i get over it and just pretend he didn t say it

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • ok, so let him do it his way,,take the car and baby and go,,,and you go and do your thing. I GUARANTEE you when he gets back and you have calmed down, cause you took the time to take care of you, which is what he is trying to get you to do. Then,,thats when you will get the big hug you need so bad. Thats when you can sit down with him and have a rational discussion about how much is added to the situation when he compares you to his ex and how much it hurts you. See the picture now? Get past the crazy emotions and that is what he can relate too and listen too,,,:)

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on May. 6, 2010

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