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Divorce?

Anytime DH and I fight, I always feel as if the next step is to just get divorced. We fought a lot since my DD was born. We usually fight about parenting methods and things like that. We were raised very differently. We're going on a cruise and taking her with us. My MIL begged to be able to come too, so we said yes. Now she's telling me about how DD will be napping in her stroller so that we can take in more sites. I told DH that can't happen, she would just scream in it. He sided with his mom and said I need to stop breastfeeding her so she can learn to self sooth! I was so upset I wanted a divorce right away. He calmed down a lot and comforted me and I feel like such a jerk now cuz he was so kind after our fight and I hurt him a lot by constantly bringing up divorce. He hates it, but I can't seem to help myself... Advice?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on May. 6, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • My DH and I took a "Bringing Baby Home" class given by licensed physiologist and we learned that all you are experiencing is VERY NORMAL. Once you realize this and that your hormones are super crazy the year after baby, it will help you keep a cooler head during arguments. ALL couples argue, that is part of being in a relationship. It is how you argue that determines how you are as a couple. Try talking about your personal feelings using I statements and take turns talking and each listening to the other with no interuptions. Think win/win and a mutual benificial resolution. This has really helped my relationship.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • crock, keep breastfeeding girl.

    hormones?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • Stop saying the D word or things will never change. Trust me... it starts as something you just say when you're angry, then turns in to something that means NOTHING at all b/c it's been over-used. So many people scream divorce every time they fight. That's insane. EVERY COUPLE FIGHTS. Have you guys thought about counseling? Seems like that's the way to go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:13 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • My DD is 12 months... Could be hormones, but it happens all the time :(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:14 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • woooow i see myself we fight a lot too after the birth of our son, we fought abt BF abt him mom and in my case hes the one who mentionne the divorce all the time i m trying to make sacrifices and i lost a lot of my dignity and personality to keep this mariage works so my baby can be with both his parents
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • You have a 1 yr old? Wow... yeah... prob hormones, hun! Maybe you guys could benefit from some counseling. DH and I had some really hard times after our 1st child was born. It was a combo of our age, how long we had NOT known each other, hormones, etc. Everything was overwhelming for quite some time. I'm proud to say we've been married almost 6 1/2yrs now with 2 gorgeous boys and another baby on the way. Things can work if you're willing to put the time and effort into them. Def talk to him about some counseling. GL
    Luvmylilmonkies

    Answer by Luvmylilmonkies at 4:21 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • Banish the word from your vocabulary. Then have a serious talk, maybe even with a therapist, about how much his mother needs to be involved. I'm kind of wondering why she even needs to be there. Is it to help with your DD? It sounds like his mother might be part of the problem just from this little bit of information. I feel like the grandmothers, or anyone who is not the parent, should not be planning out things like in your story. You know your daughter and you know she won't like to nap in the stroller just so you all can sight see. I have some experience with that kind of thing and it seems to me your husband might need to not worry so much about when you should stop breastfeeding, which is not about soothing, and whether or not his mother is right about what your baby wants. I would definetly suggest a therapist. They can help you have a productive disagreement and learn to put each other first, not everyone else
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 4:52 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • I honestly do not understand how bfing and napping in the stroller go together. My daughter is bfed, naps wonderfully in the stroller. My ds was bottle fed and hated sleeping in the stroller. Some kids like it and some do not. As far as everything else, I agree, you need to banish the "D" word from your vocabulary. It just shouldn't be an option. I think people use it as a crutch and give up way to easily on their marriage. I have 3 kids, 3 and under. My hormones have been out of whack for years! lol Anyway, dh and I will fight and I have to tell my self just to be quiet at times because I know that I am being irrational and I just can't help myself. But the more I yell the more dh yells and so on. So if I step back and we talk later, it goes so much better. Also, your mil has no say about your bfing. You need to calmly explain to you dh about it and ask for his support on the issue. He will hear you if you're not yelling
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:32 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • What's wrong with the baby napping in her stroller while visiting sites? Will you carry her during the journey or how will that work? Some of what you're going through is hormones and the other part is like you said, different views of how you were raised...compromise is the key...and I"m sure he's looking out for the best interest of your child, just like you are...good luck...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:36 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • You can always get a wrap, or sling for going out instead of the stroller, I cant see how a fight over this would lead to talk about divorce, but I used this threat constantly when dh and I first got married. It hurt my dh a lot, and did a lot of damage to our relationship. It finally hit me if I was thinking so much about it, either do it, or make it not an option. I chose to make it not an option. I have never said it again. You are doing it for his sympathy, but it will hurt you in the end.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on May. 6, 2010

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