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I don't know what to say (or NOT say) to my MIL...

My DH and I recently tried to buy our first home (via the tax credit). We were going to try to move out of state where homes are cheaper to do it. My MIL was very unsupportive of our decision - she was actually downright MEAN to us about it. She said a lot of hurtful things about us abandoning her and the rest of DH's family, and other things. But our home sale fell through, and we have to stay where we are for a few more years. I am feeling very hostile towards MIL - we were putting up w/ her fits b/c we knew we'd be leaving soon, but now that we aren't, we have to continue to see her on a regular basis. And now I honestly just DON'T want to see her or have anything to do w/ her. She said she was HAPPY our sale fell through, though it hurt us deeply. And now I am angry w/ her and don't know how to act around her. She isn't the type I can talk to about the way I feel - she'll just ignore me. Any thoughts?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on May. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • OP - And, I guess I should add, she has never sais one word to us about being sorry she said the things she did, or that she feels bad for us for losing the home. Not one word. I just have no patience for her anymore, and now that I don't have moving away to look forward to, I feel like I should say SOMETHING about her behavior, especially towards me. She hates me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • Yikes, she must be related to my MIL!! I'm sorry she is acting like this. Has your husband said anything to her at all?? I never could understand why mine would be so unsupportive and critical of the things that make us happy. Eventually I knew I had to grow a back bone and stand up to her or she would just continue to be this way. I simply told her that I want her to be apart of our lives, but if she cannot keep her negativity to herself then we'd have no choice but to shut her out of it. My husband pretty much has, but I still talk to her and try to keep the connection going. I'm sorry that your feeling stuck in this. I think that you and your hubby should talk to her about the way that you feel. If she still doesn't get the picture after that, then try talking to her alot less and see how she likes that.

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 4:29 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • some ppl are just negative & some women who marry their sons will never do anything right. Sounds like your mil is related to mine! I stood my ground & had to be a bitch on occasion but now she doesn't mess w/ me. Tell her her negative attitude is affecting your family & if she can't keep it to herself then bye!

    Answer by Nyx7 at 4:35 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • Your MIL will never listened to you. Its her way or no way...but the one thing you've got over her is your own self control. She cannot control you therefore whenever she has negative opinions that you think will affect you and your family, then handle her graciously and with respect because after all she is your dh's mother...if her negativity isn't affecting you guys at all, I would suggest that you continue striving for your goals with the knowledge of knowing that she's not in your corner (so keep your business private or until you know for sure certain things)...good luck

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:22 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • OP - Yes, my dh has told her she needs to stop being so negative, but she is the type that really has no regard for what other people say. She just gives some excuse like "I'm only watching out for you," or something like that. OR, and here's the kicker: She says the things she says "aren't her fault" because she has MS and that MS has caused her to "have no filter". But I did research on that, and its bull. There ARE types of MS that can affect a person's social interactions, but they are rare types and she does not have the other symptoms associated with those types. My point is, she'll basically say whatever she says AND does "isn't her fault", no matter how we approach herr about it. Its incredibly frustrating, and I feel like a prisoner to this woman's personality. We can't just stop seeing her - dh feels responsible for her b/c she is alone and sick.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:34 PM on May. 6, 2010

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