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Have I failed as a parent ?

I found out that my 13 year old son had been molesting and having sex with his younger half sister and brother, and step brother.
I was out-raged. I immediatley took him to the police station and made him tell them what he had done. He was taken into custody.. and has been charged with several felonies.
I had went to a counceler and was told that we may be able to get counceling and after awhile - look at re-uniting the family.
Today I went to his lawyer.. there is almost no chance of him ever coming home before he is 21 years old. Because he admitted to everything he had done. I felt condemmed. My 13 year old KID - made some very BAD choices... and because I turned him in and made him admit to it.. he will serve a huge sentence and have to register as a sex offender for life.
I know i couldn't have let this go on.. but is it right that he will be punished for the rest of his life?


Asked by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on May. 6, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (67)
  • There are a multitude of reasons that children molest other children. Many people think it's b/c they were molested, but that's not always the case. There's no one reason and, as a former counselor of juvenile sex offenders, there's no one to blame for why the boy did this. It is so hard not to blame yourself and to feel guilt over turning your son in, but also feel guilt that the other children weren't protected. The laws are different in each state about juveniles registering as sex offenders and it's possible the lawyer may not be completely accurate. In our state, juveniles do not register as sex offenders unless a judge orders it and that is VERY VERY rare. It might be helpful for you to join a parent group for parents of children who have molested. They can be very supportive. PM me if you need. My thoughts are with you, I can't imagine how hard this must be.

    Answer by SherriPie at 8:01 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • Who was he molested by and did you find this ALL out at one time?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:23 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • Honestly you did the best you could do. It was your kids now, but what if he got to the neighbor kids? He made his choice and now he will have to live with it. Sorry but I think you do a good thing turning him in

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • I honestly think that you did the right thing. it is easy for me to say this because I have never been in your position, but if it was reversed, and you were supportive and tried to cover these mistakes I would think less of you. Just being honest. Alot of times kids start this kind of behavior early and it continues into adulthood, and usually gets worse. I think that he needs help, and that is what you did. You have failed no one.

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 5:24 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • Well, this is tough. You did what you felt was right because you had to protect the other children or future children that could possibly be victimized. It's my understanding that someone will never really get over having a molestation problem. I don't know what I would have done in this situation. Sometimes tough love is the only way to solve these problems as much as it hurts. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. This has to be really hard for you.

    Answer by lowencope at 5:24 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • He made that choice as an individual. Obviously you could not let this go on. But those children who he offended, for the rest of thier lives, will be punished because of what he did to them.
    You didn't fail as a mother, he just chose to make some horrible choices.
    Because you turned him in he can hopefully get some help and STOP offending.

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 5:25 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • This is what happens to sex offenders, he will be labeled as such even if counseling works and he turns his life around. This is what the law does, he is now scarred for life, but so are the ones he molested.

    Answer by older at 5:26 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • I dont know if you are in the teen group here in cm,,,Im sure there are alot of them. But,,,,b/c a lot of answer anon,,,it would do you good, if not already there to connect on a more personnal level to moms you can get to know. NOT saying to not bring it here,,,by all means, we are here to listen and help,,its just hard to connect with anon's and you really need the support right now. I come here,,but I have really dear close friends in the groups I am in here in cm,,,,,hang in there hon,,,post anytime you need too!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • i think you did the right thing. hes your child, and you can love him no matter what but lets face it, some people are not normal and unfortunatley sometimes that might be our kids, and its probably a really hard thing to realize but you did the right thing. you dont want him to end up raping or murdering someone one day. youll feel even worse then.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 5:37 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • I would have done the same thing! Don't be so hard on yourself. Some kids don't turn out so well no matter how you raise them and its NOT your fault! Honestly its society's fault and all the shit going on in this F'ed up world! Your not the only one teaching your children ( school, friends ect)! I'm really sorry to hear this but stay strong the other kids need you. Like I said I would have done the same thing with out a second thought.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on May. 6, 2010