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How do you handle the discipline with...

I have a 3 yr old, he has a 10 yr old. We are blending our families. How did you handle discipline with the others child? Do you do it when bio-parent isn't around or do you wait until they are there to handle it? What things did you discuss with each other when it came to this?

My sis wasn't allowed too with her SS's or was undermined by their dad for the simplest of things.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:08 PM on May. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I dont see how a blended family can work unless the parents discipline all the children equally. We have 5 children (2 his, 2 mine, 1 ours) and it just wouldnt work if he wasnt free to dicipline my boys and me his. Kids are smart, they constantly are testing limits, adn if they know that one parent has their hands tied as far as discipline, issues will ensue. I wont lay a hand on my step kids, and my husband wont on my kids, but there are other forms of discipline, even if its "go to your room until your mother/father gets home"

    I wouldnt stay in a blended relationship where I wasnt allowed to discipline all equally or my husband was constantly undermining my authority where his kids were concerned. But this was something we discussed before marraige, so we knew where we stood. Too often this talk is left for afterwards, and thats bad if both arent on the same page.
    Tarinia

    Answer by Tarinia at 12:42 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • It's a touchy subject in many households. I think it is definitely a discussion that you and your s/o need to have and boundaries need to be set. I made the mistake of not doing this when my dh and I blended our families and it caused many problems. I never knew how far was too far, what I could and couldn't say or do. I think for each family it is different and what is acceptable isn't the same for everyone. I would sit down and talk with your s/o and lay the ground rules and go from there.

    Personally, we handle the "little" things with our stepchildren on our own. Telling them to clean their rooms, etc. If it comes to a big issue though (like lying, stealing, etc.) it's something that we handle together and the bio-parent of that child is the one to deal out the punishment. Not to say I won't reprimand my stepchildren for it, but that's about as far as it goes. That is just what works for us.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • i personally wouldnt do the discipling if i was you. if you want to have a say in it, i would discuss your opinions with the bio dad away from the child, and then let him do the actual discipling. i think by you doing it, it can cause more harm then good. im saying this from experience of my childhood with a stepmother and stepfather. i really couldnt help but think "they werent my parents" and i was at the age of 11 when it really started, which was hard enough age as it is dealing with puberty, friends, first relationships, comming from a divorced home, etc. so to add on more issues is just rough.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:14 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • You guys need to talk it out & see how it best fits your family. everyone is very different.
    Personally if I were ever in the situation it is something that would have been figured out long before marriage. . Its never healthy for a child to grow up in a house were the adults cant agree on discipline & are always banging heads together..
    Good luck! Hope you guys are able to find out which works for all of you! :)
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 10:17 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • In our home, their stepdad has full authority to discipline them. However, this was discussed when we got together, and we had some very long, in depth conversations about exactly how I discipline and he agreed with me on how things should be. This is a discussion that you should sit down and have, probably more than once, and hash out exactly what you're going to do and not do.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:19 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • Thanks MommaTasha, that's why me and Dd's daddy couldn't work it out. No compromise and it was effecting her. We work better as a team now that we aren't together. Thankfully! SO and I get along great and I don't want either of use to bang heads for the childrens sake otherwise it will NOT work. I won't put a child thru that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 PM on May. 6, 2010

  • I'm the mom in my house, my husband is the dad in our house and all children are treated the same. It'll take time to settle comfortably into your roles, but I strongly recommend that you and your husband get used to disciplining each other's children and finding a happy place where you realize that you can trust each other, and the children can count on you to treat everyone the same.
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 1:22 AM on May. 7, 2010

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