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How to....? Not grow to hate the father of your child?

I hate him, I hate him & every day that goes by I hate him more. It'd be okay & I could probably cut him out of my life till I was over it - BUT, he's the father of my child! Many, of you read the postings of my ranting of him trying to dump me 2 wks prior to my due date with our (planned) son. Baby is due on Sat & after a tough week last wk of being dumped, then accepting it & for my childs sake trying to remain civil & accept & allow the dad to "be present at his birth" (this was after I said it's feel "weird" having him there & he yells at me about his right which are true since he's the father etc) Well NOW he comes home for his 2 wks of leave from work & guess what? Lets me know he's only here for 2 days, to get his things! HAS THE NERVE TO LEAVE THE DAY BEFORE our son is due! We are over, he's made that clear, so whats up with the games & I am this close to hating him right now perhaps its my hormones! He is spending...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:01 AM on May. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • ......the rest of his "off time" on vacation with his friends & family, he even said he's leaving Fri (I'm due Sat the 8th) cause he wanted to get together with HIS friends to watch the UFC that night!! How on earth do you single moms do this?! I already hate how he jerked me around, dumped me & out of hurt I said "It's be weird having him here" & after his rantings about how selfish I was being, I accepted it, told him he could be there & I'd set aside my feelings for our sons birth. Then he lets me know "OH i'm not staying after all" ..how can I not feel hurt at this?!? What do I tell my son that his Daddy wasn't present because he left the night before? How do you remain civil with someone who is soo selfish to put u thro this? It wasn't like I was chasing him around with knives! Its been long distance for 3 months now., this is the guy who texted me to break it off, dumped me 10 days away from due date...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:07 AM on May. 7, 2010

  • ....continue.....how do I remain civil with this guy? He's already planning on turning around & coming back Memorial Weekend. A week in June to see "his son" (or so he says)...I want to get over him, hope I could compose myself for my childs sake not have a bad attitude & accept it. But this makes me wonder if he'll always be doing crap like this. Even today when he was packing I gave him a book "Daddy and Me" we'd boughten for out son, he then snaps at me saying "You're just trying to throw it in my face i'm leaving, why don't you read it to him" I was like "I'm sorry, I thought you'd want to keep it to read it to him". When he asked me if I would consider moving to his homestate & I said I wasn't sure he lashed out & said "I'm telling our son its ur fault if I don't get to see him" I don't even have FAMILY in his state! I will need support too since I AM THE SINGLE MOM NOW!! How do I not hate him?!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:12 AM on May. 7, 2010

  • Is his name on the birth certificate? If not then he must request a paternity test just to see him.. If his name is on the birth certificate, then tell him no visitations until after he takes you to court, and take a break from that ass hole. You don't need him constantly in your life until you have a chance to get over him. You should move to a state with your son that you have family in... there's no reason for you to hang around there if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. The kid came outta your body.. imo.. I wouldn't have even let him be there for delivery.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:40 AM on May. 7, 2010

  • Fuck him! I would SUEEEEE him for child support ASAP! Apparently he has some kind of issues which makes him unstable. Is he military (the whole leave thing made me think so.) I wont lie Your post is a little confusing.............
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:41 AM on May. 7, 2010

  • Oh, I reread, you're still pregnant. Go somewhere that you can have support during the delivery.. and make sure he's not there... it's hard work pushing a baby out.. you don't need his worthless ass there anyway. Don't put his name on the birth certificate.. it's that easy... then he has to request a blood test before he claim rights as the father... and don't worry about being a single mom.. many mom's go a little while being single and then fall in love with someone worthy that raises their as their dad... don't give up hope on finding someone else...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 AM on May. 7, 2010

  • Just because he is the father. Does not give him the right to be at the birth(in the room). Tell him you can be in the waiting room. He gave up that right when he broke up with you before the baby is born. After the baby is born go back home to your parents house.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:45 AM on May. 7, 2010

  • Don't put his name on the birth certificate! It will give him more rights than you want! You can still allow your child to see him, but if his name is on the birth certificate....he can sue you for visitations, claim the baby on taxes & put you through some hell. If he cannot be there for the birth, he does not deserve to be on that birth certificate. Just tell the hospital you don't know who or where the dad is. This is the best advice i can give you. screw him, he is a total jerk!

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:03 AM on May. 7, 2010

  • Whether you put him on the birth certificate or not he is still the child's father and he still has the right to see the baby. He can either take you to court and have it court ordered or you can voluntarily give him visitation. In most states an unmarried mother has sole custody of the child until a judge's order. NO matter how much you dislike him and don't want to be around him he is going to be in your life for at least the next 18 years. He can't claim the baby on his taxes unless he has the child more than 6 months of the year or a judge says he can. I had my son at 18, I raised him on my own with very little support from his BF. I didn't want him getting court ordered visits so, I allowed visits until BF decided he was no longer interested. When I met my now husband 2 years later we got married and he adopted my son. Contact a lawyer in your state and find out want kind of rights the BF has.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:09 AM on May. 7, 2010

  • Go ahead and hate him. That's fine.

    You don't have to have him at the birth, and no worries about telling your child about that. He probably won't care, because by the time he asks, he already knows "dad" is not in the picture.

    Get your child support ducks in a row. Lawyer up...you need it.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:55 AM on May. 7, 2010

  • Stop wasting time complaining and DO SOMETHING! He doesn't give a shit about the baby. Suck it up and deal with things. Welcome to being an adult.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on May. 7, 2010

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