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I almost had an affair, and now my husband doesn't trust me...details inside. PLEASE DON'T RESPOND UNTIL THE FULL STORY IS TOLD.

Okay, my husband and I have kids together and have been married about 5 years. We've been together much longer, 7 years. About 1 1/2 years into our marriage, I left my husband because he was completely ignoring me and our kids. He had a game addiction and that was literally more important to him. I ended up becoming friends with and almost dating another man when I moved. I was contemplating divorce. I ended up being just friends with this man. My husband and I got back together after about 7 months of my being gone. Then, 2 years after that, I left again. For the same exact reason before. Only this time, I told him to either treat us like a family or agree to a divorce. So he said file the papers. I actually started the process this time and ended up running into the same friend I almost dated before. So we start hanging out again and my husband is okay with the divorce until he finds out about it. Then he wants to make it..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on May. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • ok so do you still want the divorce? because it doesn't make sense to keep going back to something that won't work. If you want to stay with him then try and make it work but if I was in your[ postion I would tell my Dh that i tried too many times and he had his chance so I'm moving on
    symle456

    Answer by symle456 at 3:08 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • Continued...work. So after thinking really hard about it, I agree to give him this last and final chance. And yet again, I hurt the guy who wants to be with me. So now I feel like a bitch. But anyway, when I am WITH someone, that is who I am with. I never even slept with this other man because I felt it would be cheating. My issue is, that now anytime I want to go out ANYWHERE alone or with a friend, my husband thinks I'm going to meet up with him. I wouldn't do that now that I'm trying to work on our marriage. I'm not a slut, and I am a faithful partner. But there are times I'd like my husband to not be up my ass, especially because he hates my friends and family. I don't care when he goes out with his brother or best friend, and I even said it wouldn't bother me if he played his video game that was more important than we were, so long as he kept it in check.

    How am I supposed to get him to trust me? I've never hid anything
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • Is this game World of Warcraft? just out of curiosity..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • Okay, I've read all of this post... and before you write many more... let me say that it sounds like your husband isn't putting the effort into his marriage and family that is necessary to make it work. You have left him twice, began the process of filing for divorce, and given him the opportunity to try.... If he doesn't care now he won't care later. An addiction is an addiction and he needs counciling to deal with it. Before you get divorced, ask yourself if you're happy with him, why you think it'll be different without him or with someone else, where you want to be in your life, and how do you get there.
    Marriage is tough and working to make it work can suck, but it is worth it if both of you love each other and want to fix things. Talk to him about counciling and try going with him if he agrees. But don't go back simply because he wants what he gave up now that another man wants it.
    momofkearra

    Answer by momofkearra at 3:11 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • Nope it's Final Fantasy XI. He does play again, btw. Just thought I'd add. And I don't hold it against him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • If the relationship your in is broken and there's no more tools in the bag of goodies to fix it then leave it and continue on with your part of the divorce and the judge will have the finally say in it. Why keep putting your children Thur this. Think about what your children are going Thur.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • Before you get divorced, ask yourself if you're happy with him, why you think it'll be different without him or with someone else, where you want to be in your life, and how do you get there.
    Marriage is tough and working to make it work can suck, but it is worth it if both of you love each other and want to fix things. Talk to him about counciling and try going with him if he agrees. But don't go back simply because he wants what he gave up now that another man wants it.
    I called off the divorce, but told him I will pursue it if he tries to go back to how he was. He's doing a pretty good job now but he was also doing good for awhile last time, too. I really do love him and we have kids so if it's possible, I want it to work. But I will not be pushed aside and have our kids ignored because he just doesn't want someone else with us. Thank you. :o)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • On another note: Why the hell are you attempting to go back to a jerk who doesn't trust you, doesn't care about you, doesn't love you, and doesn't want to work on his relationship for his children's sake? What the heck makes you think that you need to earn his trust? Forget him! He screwed you, not the other way around honey.... Don't you dare let him make you feel like you're to blame here... and don't get stuck on thinking about what you're doing wrong and forget about what the actual problem here is... no communication, no trust, no love....
    momofkearra

    Answer by momofkearra at 3:18 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • You didn't do anything wrong. Your husband was okay with the divorce until you found someone else? He probably figured you couldn't get someone else and when you found someone, suddenly he is jealous. Frankly, his jealousy is the reason he wanted you back. This isn't about love, it's about his jealousy. Let him know, that he is dishonoring you by not trusting you. That even if he doesn't trust you, you are not going to let his jealousy control you or your marriage. And then just follow through. As long as you are being honest, and faithful to him, you have done nothing wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • Thanks for that, momofkearra. I do believe he loves me. I just think he's stupid at times. He's been doing better now that I've given him the chance, because this is the last one he's getting. He's been spending money, energy and most importantly TIME on us. I just want to go out at times without him getting pissed off at me. He says he's never cheated or even attempted to cheat, and I completely believe him on that. I remind him that he's the reason I left in the first place. He wasn't cheating he was completely neglecting everyone who loves him. It does make me feel better to hear that someone understands my point of view. His family and friends make it sound like I'm just some slut who got antsy. I asked him the other night how we can be together if he doesn't trust me. He has yet to respond. :o(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on May. 7, 2010

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