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Sex question....

I am really embarrassed about asking this. I was wondering if want to used handcuffs and whips and being choked was normal in sex. I want DH to do these things a lot more than he does. It turns me on so much but I feel like a pervert or something for some odd reason. I don't need for DH to do these things to get off but I enjoy them a lot. I feel so embarrassed just saying dirty names for private parts. I just don't want DH to think I am a weirdo. Is this normal?


Asked by Anonymous at 7:31 PM on May. 7, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • It's normal for lots of people! There is a group on here for people like you and me... I find though that men tend to be intimidated by it - til they try it! lol... I don't get in to the "bed of roses" romance or anything like that... I like it rough and tumble... As long as there is no long term injury - bruises, breaks or blood - which crosses in to abuse... It's all good! Enjoy!

    Plus, have you noticed that just about ever "toy" company has BDSM style toys? cuffs? whips?? It can't be that odd if every one of them caters to it...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 7:42 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • yeah...i never knew untill i got with my husband that i liked to be spanked and have my hair pulled.....but for some reason i do....he will spank me and tell me that im a bad girl..for some reason him being in control and me in a vulnerable position like that turns me on....i duno maybe we are both weird?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:37 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • You're into BDSM.  It's a personal preference, nothing wrong with that.


    Answer by beeky at 7:38 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • OP here. Thank you. I was raised in a house where even thinking about sex was a no-no. I just feel weird asking DH to cuff me and spank me and stuff. DH finds my embarrassment to say dirty names for privates cute. He says he likes it when my face turns all red. LOL I just didn't want to feel like a weirdo.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:46 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • It is normal. I love it rough sometimes. Spanked, pull hair...I haven't been able to get mine to try handcuff on me yet but there is time to still convience him!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:51 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • here is an idea...instead of "asking" him. surprise him with an outfit....and then hand him some cuff and tell him to do whatever he wants...and see what it leads to...

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • I found that when I met my boyfriend, and we fell in love and got together, I trusted him in a way that I never trusted anyone else. That trust, that security that I got with him, caused me to open my mind and realize that there were certain things I thought about doing with him that I never considered with anyone else, and problem never would in the future, if we were to break up. I even told him one time (today, in fact lol) that it was all his fault that I'm kinky now (I'm not, but sometimes it almost sounds like it). If you feel secure and trust him, why not explore these things? It will spice things up for you guys, it'll add a level of intimacy to what you already have, and it'll be fun!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:56 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • OP honey, as long as you and your husband are consenting, (and you're not breaking the law lol) then nothing is weird in the bedroom.  My advice to you, is to take your time (you've got your whole life ahead you).  Gently break out of your comfort zone, it will allow your dh to catch up with you, and by continually pushing your sexual boundaries, you will keep your sex life going strong long after most couples have fizzled out.  I speak from experience.  I've been married almost 22 years and still going strong baby;)


    Answer by beeky at 7:58 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • totally normal. You dont know you like that stuff until you try. You are surprised because it is so taboo. Have fun!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:10 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • Personally I think it sounds hot. I have the handcuffs and whip. I can't do the choking thing though (long story). I can do the spanking and hair pulling stuff though. Just talk to him about his fantasies. Do it a little at a time so it doesn't overwhelm him. Just ask things like "What do you think about (fill in the blank)? You can say you saw it online or read about it and wondered what he thought. I actually asked SO recently if he thought I was weird for wondering about something I was wondering about. I thought he'd call me a freak but he just laughed and said we'd do it sometime when we had more time. Sometimes these guys surprise us

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:35 PM on May. 7, 2010