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Any ideas on what to do for your children's birth mom(s) for Mother's Day?


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Asked by doodlebopfan at 10:04 PM on May. 7, 2010 in Adoption

Level 20 (9,525 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • One or two years I sent Birth Mother's Day cards, but someone here (I think it was OTT) told me that she thought it was inappropriate because it might make them feel that they are "different" from "regular" mothers. I hadn't thought about it that way before, but it made sense. I can call one of our kids' bmoms to wish her a happy mother's day, even though I may get voice mail. She usually calls on special days, so she'll probably return the call. I can let her know that I have some pics and an update on their way (after I make it through finals on Monday). Our older child's bmom does not have a phone number, so all I can do is just send her pics and an update. I think I'll send a drawing from each kid with the letters (my 1 yr old doesn't really draw - he just scribbles - but I think any mother would love to get that).

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:21 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • well if the girl wasnt a mother enough to keep her child nothing, but if she was just to young or is trying to act like a real mom then it kinda needs to be up to the kids let them do it. if they feel they care enough for there birth mother then they can do it this is the first year Ive sent a mothers day card to my birth mother and it was for my son not me. she wasnt a good mother but she dose well as a grandmother NOW.

    Answer by Manda_Evans at 8:44 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Manda, I don't know what your situation was with your child's birth mother, and I know that sometimes when kids are abused or neglected there are some very real feelings that you as the parent will work through. I don't feel that either of my kids' bmoms were "not mother enough to keep their children". I think they looked at their situations and made the decisions they thought were best at the time (which is all any of us can do). Some of us have open relationships and contact with our kids' birth families, and we are convinced that it is healthiest. I know there are cases when it may not be a good idea to have contact. For those of us who do, some of us like to acknowledge these women who never stopped being mothers and who never stopped loving their children, even though they made this hard decision. Happy mother's day!

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 6:41 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • Manda, I just re-read your post and it looks like you are an adoptee, not an adoptive mom. Sorry for the mixup. Whatever feelings you have toward your birth mother are valid and I would never question that.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 6:43 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • "not mother enough" is harsh.

    Answer by txdaniella at 9:19 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • Manda, you have been kind enough to share your story with me a while back and I understand what you mean. Your particular situation as an adoptee (adoption within the family) was both a blessing and a curse. However, today, you prove that you can not only survive a bad situation, but to turn it into good now as an adult by forgiving your birth mom and allowing her to be the best grandmother she can be. You are a wonderful mom. Thank you for sharing your POV. :)

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:28 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • If nothing else, it'd be nice to send a thank you for allowing me to become a mother type of card!

    Answer by AddyLeigh at 11:30 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • We will probably never know who our dd's birthmother is, or have any way to contact her. We will talk about her (as we do often) and send out a wish that she know peace.

    Answer by DEpley at 11:44 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • We have sent flowers on this special day. Also today we emailed her a poem, or just something from the heart telling her how much she means to us. We are so blessed that she is a part of our family.

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 10:18 AM on May. 9, 2010

  • I sent a mother's day card with lots of pictures of my girls to their birth-mom. My son's birth-mom I have no contact with per her request. I would have loved to send her a card with pictures also.

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 11:52 AM on May. 9, 2010

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