Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Anybody else having a rough night?

Man it's nights like this I'd love to enjoy a nice alcoholic beverage (stupid liver issues lol). Long story short, DH's dad passed a way a few weeks ago, he flew home for the funeral the next day, then had a TDY right after that, all in TX. So he spent 4 days with his family, he's not dealing with it well so they were all out drinking every night. Then he went to his TDY and has been out drinking with his guy friends EVERY night except maybe 2, has almost gotten into a motorcycle accident (he ended up scraping his leg down the side of a truck), has almost gotten into 2 bar fights, and refuses to talk to ANYONE about his trouble dealing with his dad's death. This is SO out of character for him, and every time I try to talk to him about it he just says he's dealing with it the best way he knows how til he gets home. So I'm really not sure what to do! Anyone else having a sucky day?


Asked by AprilDJC at 11:46 PM on May. 7, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 20 (8,524 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • nope which is good cause it means I can be here for you. He is dealing with it the best he can, and hopefully he will get home in one piece so together you can make some steps forward. Somehow this behaviour isn't as scary if you can at least see their face. There is nothing you can do. just listen to him if he wants to talk, be patient if he doesn't. Let him fall apart a bit. He is using all this to distract himself from feeling, or thinking about it. That's normal...kinda like denial. Just hang inthere, and when he comes home, babysteps, gentle steps, he will be okay

    Answer by myheartx4 at 12:32 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • what's a TDY?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • I thought I was having trouble because it is hot in here (no air conditioning) My best advice dear heart is to pray he will be okay and just be there to talk and support when he is ready. I do not know if you are a praying woman. That is however what I would do. ......OP this part is not for you but for those prayer and God haters who will tell me how you do not need my advice to pray. I do not want to hear it. Please do not reply to me about prayer......

    Answer by my2kids312 at 12:11 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Well not as bad as yours dear. I'll be pray for you and your hubby though.

    Knight of Christ

    Answer by almendibles at 12:17 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Guys need to deal with things a different way. Yeah that is true. Tell him you just want him alive. Try to give him some space and expect that he will not want to talk about it. If he does open up then let him talk. Don't try to fix it.
    Be cool with him and simply tell him your here for him if he wants anything and drop it. Don't keep asking him how he is doing. Men internalize things. Give him love and do sweet little things for him. Do not ask him what he wants. Just be kind and gentle.
    When my brother died I would talk to no one. The only thing I could do was laundry, then my husband started doing it. I was like crap. But I couldn't discuss it with him and tell him to stop. I didn't want to think about talking to anyone. (for fear I would loose it) I really mean I could do nothing. I tried to go to the store to get a cup of coffee and wore dark glasses. I simply didn't want any one to look at me.Go easy sista.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 1:00 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Thanks guys. Anon, a TDY is kind of a "temporary duty" for military. He's in TX for 3 weeks of training for his job. I just worry because alcoholism runs in his family and he has always tried to avoid drinking to cover problems. So we'll see how it goes when he gets home. At least I know if all else fails they have some great therapists here! It's just hard to sit here and do nothing, and when I call him to talk about my day, or see what he's up to, if I have ANYTHING negative to say (kids got hurt or sick, money problems, ANYTHING) he just says he doesn't want to deal with it, and it's not all about me right now. I know that, it just makes it harder I'm stuck here, nobody but me and the kids, and I can't even talk to him about my day to day life because he doesn't want to hear it. But he can tell me all about the fun he's having going out. I'm just not sure what to do. :( Still got another 2 weeks to go.

    Answer by AprilDJC at 3:55 AM on May. 8, 2010