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How do I deal with the fact my 13 yr old daughter was raped by her father?

I havent seen her since she was 5 and now I am gaining custody in August of her and am worried that she will become extremely sexually active after this happened.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on May. 7, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (16)
  • I am so sorry...how awful! I would say it may depend on when the rape took place and if she has had any counseling. The fact that you and her haven't had a relationship for 8 years is going to be a huge factor as well. This poor girl has alot going against her right now and I hope you get her the best help you can. Good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • wow thats awful, i think it will actually make her more shy , and not want to know anything about sex.I hope she gets counseling.And maybe you too so you both can work it out, because you really dont have a relationship with her
    Best of luck to you
    lhernandez7208

    Answer by lhernandez7208 at 11:54 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • If that's all you're worried about, then you need to do some research on children who have been sexually abused. Children of sexual abuse often have post-traumatic stress disorder, have flashbacks of their abuse, and feel guilt for the abuse. They do act out, but not just sexually. Depression and anxiety, along with panic attacks that can be debilitating may result.

    You are correct that some children of sexual abuse will be "hypersexual" since that is the only relationship type they are familiar with, so you will need to discuss your daughter's thoughts and feelings with her to guide her as to what is appropriate.

    I feel for you and especially your daughter. I hope you both have access to good therapies because you both will need it!
    Busimommi

    Answer by Busimommi at 11:55 PM on May. 7, 2010

  • I'm sorry to hear that, but there's always the chance she will go the other way with it, i was messed with by a daycare providers husband and son. I'm 23 and have one child i hate to be without my clothes and i can count on one had how many people have seen me with out them mom (over 15 years ago) best friend, first bf, and my hubby. so keep it in mind. there's not much you can do about what happened and therapist are full of bull. all you can really do is try to go from here and make the best be there and try to keep her from harms way with out keeping her from being a normal kid. Good luck and i hope things go well.
    Manda_Evans

    Answer by Manda_Evans at 12:12 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • I worried about the fact that this is your main concern. You need to do a little more research, get counseling yourself and make sure counseling is set up for your daughter. You child got raped and was a victim of incest and you're worried about her having a destructive sex life. Seems like small potatoes to me. You should be worried about her self esteem, self image, her sense of right and wrong, security (as the one that was supposed to protect her didn't), about her adjustment to a house without abuse, being the best mother you can be (your daughter probably does or will feel like you should have stopped him). The last thing that you should be worried about is her being hyper sexual. In my opinion that's the least of your worries.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:27 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Anon, why should she not worry about her being hypersexual?? A person's sexuality is tied in with their self-esteem, self-image, & emotional well being. Not to mention the STDs she could catch by making bad decisions...
    The best thing you can do is get her into some very intensive counseling. If things are very bad with her, you might need to consider inpatient treatment. I hate to say that, but it may be the best thing for her :(
    I think one big thing is to make her feel very safe. She is going to need to know that no one will do that to her again on your watch! If you are remarried, you will probably need to do family counseling with your DH, so she feels comfortable with her stepdad. If you're not remarried, I would not date or bring male friends around until she has had a really good settling in period & feels comfortable with you.
    Good luck, mama. I'm so sorry this is happening to both of you.
    emslala

    Answer by emslala at 5:26 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Lots of therapy.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:27 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • I'm wondering a few things.....
    Why haven't you seen her since she was 5?
    If her father has molested her, has he been arrested?
    Why do you have to wait until August to get her?
    Where is she right now?
    I know that law enforcement would have arrested the father and CPS would be involved in this type of case.
    PrttyMstng

    Answer by PrttyMstng at 2:58 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • It can go either way. It depends on the kid... and the counceling she recieves.
    I was molested as a child and was extremely sexually active starting at 16... but.. i have a friend that was also molested and she is extremely shy and doesn't like to even talk about sex.. let alone be touched by anyone except her DH.. and even that is restrictive for her. Neither of us had any counceling.
    All I can say is that your best bet is to get into special counceling for kids that have been molested.. or raped. (there should be a rape crisis counceling center in your area that does this for free - and they are trained in this area).
    Our prayers and love are with you as you go thru this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • Anon, why should she not worry about her being hypersexual??

    I don't think she is saying don't be worried about it but rather that shouldn't be the main worry when their so many other factors to worried over.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:38 AM on May. 10, 2010

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