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It seems like my husband & I will have this debate FOREVER....

My husband is originally from another town, and he moved here to be with me ( he lived about 45 mintues away) ...anyways so now we just go down to see the inlaws every other Sunday ( occasionally we will go an extra day in between) .... My parents live where we do ( about 15 mintues away - out in the country) . My husband loves my parents but doesnt like them... Right around the time I got pregnant for our 2nd baby he turned into a huge grouch ass who wont do anything unless he wants to...and of course my parents love him too, but they are tired of the way he talks to me ........Anyways...because of this "rift" between them, my husband never wants to go out to their house...and that usually keeps me and the kids from going out too ( it turns into a huge argumetn everytime I want to go see them) , and so of course now my relationship with them are a little strained. My mom said since he wont go out there *continued*

Answer Question

Asked by glamomomo at 12:07 AM on May. 8, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 11 (568 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • well if they are only 15in away why can't you go?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • ( they actually do want to see him too) ...that I should tell him that I wont be going to the inlaws either , and she said maybe he will get the hint...part of me wants to do that, part of me knows it will just cause a huge fight....I just dont know what to do about it anymore.. I am tired of feeling like I have to chose between my husband and my mom & dad.... and either way i always make atleast one of them mad.

    Has anyone had to deal with this before / have any advice on how to settle it

    Answer by glamomomo at 12:10 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • You have the right as a grown woman to take your children to see their grandparents. This issue is between him and them, not your kids and them. If he doesn't want to go, then let him stay home.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:11 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • well, they are 15 minutes away - not inches lol... but i dont have my own vehicle yet so I cannot just go whenever -- but its mainly like...they are upset because we have "family days" with his mom & dad but we cant do that with mine...

    Answer by glamomomo at 12:12 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • WOW! It sounds like your family needs to grow up as well. Do THEY have a car? Why can't they come see you?

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:18 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • hmmm well lets see... when i first married my husband, he thought he needed to see his parents every weekend. so that is what we did. it never occured to me to say "why cant we ever visit my mother?" eventually when the weekend came, i remember having my own mind and saying "i dont wanna go this weekend" OH this was such a HUGE deal so he called up his parents or whoever he called up and sat in his truck for the longest time and talked over the phone with them. he was like "whats your problem?" im not sure what happened after that but i do remember it not evolving into a fight, you have to act as a victim with a gun to your head if your gonna prove a point to someone.

    i dont really care if he likes your parents or not, either visit both sides or dont visit them at all. your mom is right in this.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 12:20 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • yes of course they come see us too.....but its at the point that they are upset because they are trying to basically mend things with him and he just wont even try ... he has a bad attitude and turns into a grouch everytime I talk about even going out there ...and I understand what my mom is saying....that I go to his parents ( even though i dont like to) without any problems....and that he should atleast just suck it up and go to mine

    Answer by glamomomo at 12:21 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • What do you mean your own vehicle. Is there one at your house that your partner drives? Then that is your vehicle too. If you want to not be treated like a doormat, you gotta stop acting like one. Pick up the keys and put the kids in the car. If he complains just say he is welcome to come with you.
    Otherwise, invite your parents to your house. If he doesn't like it then he can go out.
    I know it sounds tough but you are encouraging the snotty behaviour, by indulging in the fight, by giving in and not going, or by not arranging family days at your house. Tell him to get over himself, he has no right to ask you to choose. Giving in and avoiding the fight works beautifully for him, and your relationship with your parents gets worse, It's Win-Win for him.You have to reassert yourself as an equal, and not give in, even if there is a fight

    Answer by myheartx4 at 12:22 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • No he doesn't have to suck it up and go there, he'll be obnoxious and cause more problems. But you are a big girl, and you can take the kids by yourself to your parents. Tell them you won't discuss it, it is out of your hands. Tell him the same thing. You can't make him like them. You love them because they are yours. I can't stand my FIL and haven't seen him in a few years. I know it pisses him off, but I don't like him and don't want to be in his company. My hubby is still welcome to go and he can take the kids too. My MIL is lovely so we go visit her quite often.

    Answer by myheartx4 at 12:26 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • The way to solve it is simple. Lead by good example. First and fore most give the man a little more attention. Show him extra loving and do not complain about him not going. Just go on your own. While your there enjoy your self. I stopped going to my family events b/c my husband would test my sheer will. By arguing or delaying, or what ever. Dragging his feet. He is a nice guy but I let him get away with it.
    Don't let it bother you. Your family is yours and he can either be included in what you do or not. When they ask where he is don't protect him by saying he was busy. Just say home. And drop it.
    Take care of family relationships. You won't have the forever and don't allow him to make them difficult. Don't argue and don't fuss. Just go and be an adult. When your parents talk bad or seem like they want to see him, say Mom your welcome to come to our house. And smile and mean it. xoxo to you honey. You can be the adult.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 12:39 AM on May. 8, 2010

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