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My husband and I split up a lot.

Because we fight, a lot.. and when we fight, we fight BIG. And usually in front of the kids. Its aweful. I don't want this. So we split up, usually for only a day I'll stay somewhere else. It only lasts a day because I always end up missing him and he talks me into coming back. But the fights just happen again. So this time, we've gone longer. Its been since Tuesday. And I'm depressed.. Really really depressed, and I miss him. because when we don't fight, we can be really good together. Should I carry out the seperation as planned so we can have time apart, or cut it short again and go back? I honestly want some advice. I want to do whats right.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:47 AM on May. 8, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • This was my realionship for years until we separated for long time. I even bought my own house! But we love each other too much to be apart. So when we decided to get back together (we never divorced) we set ground rules. It was hard at first to change our ways as it was easier to do what we always did and we failed sometimes but we kept at it until our way of dealing with things changed. So our rules are:

    No talking about splitting up ever. We are committed.

    If things gets heated one of us says "Let's not fight" the other agrees. Then we usually hug and drop it.

    We talk about issues when we are not mad or stressed. So early in the morning we lay close and discuss our fears, worries, and frustrations.

    We accept and expect that each other is flawed. I don't expect him never to be crabby. I just let him be imperfect. He doesn't expect me to remember things. I am forgetful.

    We keep the big picture all the time.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 12:02 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • Well..... I think you should give him time alone and u need time alone too maybe you suold take turn with the kids u noe kinda talk to 1 another everyweek just seperat for about a month or so and your realtionship will work out fine.
    Shaina11

    Answer by Shaina11 at 1:52 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Me and my hubby had the SAME exact problems. But we learned to stop fighting because I sat down, analyzed what makes us fight most times [which it was me and my Bi-polar attitudes) So everytime we started to argue, I'd bite my tongue and walk away, and Im the type of girl to tell a person how it is, so that was the HARDEST thing ive ever had to do. lol but since ive learned to do that, and helped show him what his problem was, we get along great, we never fight and were extremely happy together. And if something were to come up, we both will walk away, then come back and "discuss" whatever it was we were about to start yelling about. So maybe try to think hard about how these fights start, is it something thats being sad sarcasticly? Or are one of you nit-picking? Analyze the fights, think of a solution, and decide if its worth going back, if so, cut it short and talk it out, its obvious you love him <3 But good luck :)
    colbysmommie95

    Answer by colbysmommie95 at 1:56 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • How bout a good marriage counselor? GO seperate at first....you have your appt and he has his. You didnt say anything about violence between the two of you. Although it is abuse to fight in front of the kids b/c it scares them to see their mommy and daddy going at it in front of them, you guys really might be able to find a way back,,,,start from the beginning,,,get into counseling asap,,,and good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Before giving him time, give yourself time. Feel good about yourself. Give yourself some time to let everything sink n. Is ths what you really want or just what you feel you want? Do you feel you need to stay because it has become routine? Dont stay for the kids. they will always have dad even if you dont have ur husband. Im in the same boat right now.. my hubby and i r soo great when we dont fight but just like u when we do.. its BIG! im taking time to reevalute my own life and i am thnkin 10-20 yrs down the road... what f it doesnt work... i could have met a guy who treated me great but i wasted it on hm... so before nething... thnk about urself..ur kids...and leave him last. good luck to u.i wish u the very best regardless of ur decision!
    mommie611

    Answer by mommie611 at 2:08 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • I would say go get help.... you two need someone to help with your communication issues...
    FITmama2B

    Answer by FITmama2B at 2:25 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • One of you needs to be the strong one and when an argument begins....Just tell the other that I will be happy to talk, but if you are going to yell and scream you are going to have a lonely argument. It's as simple as taking a stand. ou get nowhere when it's a free for all and you scare the hell out of the kids.
    GMMOLLY

    Answer by GMMOLLY at 2:36 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • First of all stop leaving. Work your problems out together, in person. How can you work your problems out when you are not in the same house. If your really want to make your marriage work. Stop leaving. Leave only when you do not want to be with him anymore. You want a divorce.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:14 AM on May. 8, 2010