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He says he has no desire for sex or intimency!!! He even went to the dr. How can I help him get the desire cause I sure have the desire and it is starting to really hurt me. Am I being selfish???

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:53 AM on May. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Try new things with him. Be sexy and live it up. Send him a naughty text in the middle of the day. Give him a striptease before bed (best done on a weekend while kids are at grandma and grandpas or friends). If you and him are ok with it, maybe watch some porn together. Have a romantic candlelit dinner. Buy the Kama Sutra and suggest trying new moves. Send him a naughty pic in his email. Maybe go to an adult store and find a naughty outfit and have it on when he gets in from work if the kids are away. There are tons of things to do to reignite the spark and make him desire sex again.

    Answer by mysteriousdaze at 5:28 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Or he is being selfish. Women through out the years have sex with their DH's when they do not want to. They do it to please their DH's. So your DH need to man up and just do the dead with you. Or this is just his way of telling you. "I am just not that into you" anymore.

    If my DH told me he just does not want to have sex anymore, I would think he is cheating on me. Unless he proved to me he had a medical issue.


    Answer by louise2 at 6:48 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Sorry to hear this I went through something like this as well ((hugs)) I know it can feel very isolating and lonely! That said, it has nothing to do with you! Just tell yourself that when ever you start to get upset. He may have medical problem or maybe he just needs some time. I would ask him if there is something that you could do to spice things up but I have a feeling he will say something like its not that...Good Luck and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Oh and I would NOT suspect cheating unless you had some type of lead or proof. Women on here always say that and I think its miss guiding! People go through stages of high sex and low sex drives in relationships and it is to some degree normal. Just talk to him! By the way I would get a vibe LOL the mean time there is no reason for you to go unsatisfied and in the long run its actually better for both of you because you wont feel so unfulfilled!


    Answer by Sarahedger at 7:32 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • How old is he? Men reach their sexual peak at 19 while women don't peak until 40. You are not being selfish. Talk to him. Some men allow wives to have an open relationship as long as they don't leave the dh. Sometimes couples decide to move on. Talk to him about what alternatives are open to you.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:01 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • You are not being selfish. Sometimes I want it and DH doesn't. It is just a matter if your sexual drives are in the same place.

    Answer by proudmama1207 at 9:32 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • You said he went to the doctor; did his doctor check his serum levels of the B vitamins, zinc, vitamin C and iron? What's his diet like? Believe it or not, nutritional deficiencies can be reponsible for sexual dysfunction. So before you go blaming yourself, make him a nice strawberry/mango smoothie every day for a week and see if he doesn't feel sexier.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • i think if he has gone to the doc, nothing is medically wrong, a nd you have ruled everything elose out, admkenzie is right, draw a line. If he loves you he needs to work on this with you, and try. not just say he isnt interested. let him know you NEED tht intimacy and he is who ou need it with-if he wont address it honey maybe move on. life is too short to have someone not even try. gl.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:57 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • well, first your not selfish, its normal to have desire and crave intamacy..... our side of the "basic needs" it is a real need.

    It sounds like you've been trying it its bad enough that he has sought the advice of a medical professional. was the doc able to perscribe anything?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • yeah, he prescribed something but that is for the actual act.... not getting in the mood part. ya know??? thanks, ladies

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:03 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • update::::: we kinda had sex tonight. nothing glamorous but much more than i've been getting. want to spice things up just don't know exactly what to do,,,

    Answer by shelly168 at 12:29 AM on May. 9, 2010

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