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how can I stop obssession over what my husband does?

He cheated almost 8 months ago and is still cannot stop checking up on him. I want to stop checking his internet history and things like that, but i keep checking. How can i stop this self destructive habit?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:22 AM on May. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Honestly, the only thing you can do to stop is....just stop. Just force yourself NOT to check the stuff. However, it's only been 8 months since he cheated, so really, it stands to reason that you would not be secure yet. Are you guys getting any counselling? Counselling very often helps couples get past this. Also, is he trying to prove to you that you can trust him, or is he acting like you should be over it or it's not his fault or something like that? If he's trying to prove you can trust him, it may help a lot to remind youself that you've found nothing so far and that he's doing everything he can to prove he's trustworthy now when you feel that urge to check up on him.

    Hope that helps a little.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:32 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • It's been a yr since my husband did as well and I am just NOW getting to where I can stop myself from searching his phone log, pictures, and texts. I even had him change the pass word to our cell phone account so I couldn't go online and see that "Oh, he called THIS number and they talked for a total of an hr over the day" (turned out to be his boss) or "Oh, he sent THAT many texts today??" (again, work related).
    I suggest coming clean and asking him for help. It's the only thing that worked for me. It's still hard, I still WANT to look, but I can stop myself now. Good luck hun!
    PandTsmomjuly

    Answer by PandTsmomjuly at 8:01 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • why stop? He deserves to be checked up on.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:21 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • I don't think you should stop either. A lot of men revert back to bad behaviors so I think you are doing the right thing. Make him prove himself. However, with that said I'd watch his behavior not just the computer. Cheaters can be crafty. If he is still cheating and knows you are looking at the computer then he might try another way to communicate with her. If it were me and I knew who the person he cheated with was, I'd go have a talk with her. (yes I did that in the past) If you think he just cheats with just anyone and not with one specific person then I'd monitor his phone and his behavior. Then again, I know a guy who cheats and he only searches for and emails women from work then meets them at lunch time. Don't stop until he has shown you that he'll never do it again.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:18 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • This is a very hard habit to get over after what he did. I for one don't think you should stop either, BUT you need to decide if this is the way you want to continue to live. Always in fear of being hurt again.
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 10:06 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • well if you believe he has changed and you are beating a dead horse by checking, then the one thing that may help is couples counseling. and if he says no way, explain you stayed when he cheated, he freakin owes you. good luck.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:50 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • why would you stop? he stuck his dick in another women. you shouldnt even be with him, you should check his shit right out the door. your never gonna stop feeling this way and you know it.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:28 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Op. here, I think it is probably not healthy to check everything he does because i do not like seeing what porn he watched or when he clicked on a image of some girl. I think i don't like feeling like i have to control what he does, like a parent or something., its so annoying. but i feel like i have to check because if i don't i will be missing some key bit of info. I guess maybe i am waiting for him to screw up, and i shouldn't be that way. I should just accept who he is and try to work on my happiness. but when he is up till all hours of the night i cannot help but wonder what he is doing.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:06 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • i am the same way with my husband..its very hard and i am getting worse but i just dont know what to do..but like someone said..he wanted to cheat so he deserves it
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • wow i am fighting this same battle. i logged in to yahoomail the other day and his email popped up. guess he forgot to log off... i literally had a panic attack as to look through it. i finally just logged off for him so i wouldn't be able to see. not sure if i did it for the right reasons though. i should of done it to respect his privacy. I actually did cause i was scared as to what i would see.
    shelly168

    Answer by shelly168 at 12:26 AM on May. 9, 2010

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