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17 yr old sil wants to move in... has alot of problems

My husband's sister wants to move in with us. Okay, now over a year ago she was having a hard time and we told her when we moved t0 our next duty station she could. Well, FF and she had a boyfriend and didnt wnt to leave, was trying to get pregnant, thank God she didnt. She has been bouncing from her moms to her dads and her aunts houses. She broke up with the bf recently, and now wants to move with us. We have a 9 month old. I am a SAHM and my husband is AD Army. She seems to be looking for attn and wants a stable role model. Both their parents are not the best examples. My husband says it is up to me. IDK what to do. She is unstable but I think my husband and I could help her. My husband is the only person I have seen her listen to and respect. But we are 22, and 23. Plus I dont want problems around the baby. She has one more year of school. What to do? And if I say yes, what should be rules?I really need some advice. Thanks

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:44 AM on May. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Her being that close to all those young army guys will not be a good things for her or you two. I do not think you guys know what you will be getting into, if you let her stay with you. She is not listening to her parents. She probably not listen to you two. Leave her where she is. She will be 18 and a adult pretty soon. Then she can do what she want to with her life. Stay focused on your own kids. Not some one else's.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:02 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Write down a set of boundaries (she would need to get a job or pursue a GED or college, have a curfew, help around the house)
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 7:55 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • If you can help her, help her. Sit down with DH and come up with the rules that are important to the both of you (chores, curfew, friends in the house, etc.). Before you agree to let her move in, sit down and discuss the rules with her and tell her there will be no compromising, these rules will be followed to the letter or else this won't work.

    She's already going down the wrong path, if she's willing to make a change for the better then help her before she's 18 and goes completely feral.
    flitpixie

    Answer by flitpixie at 10:54 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • I'd sit down w/DH & write down rules she has to follow as well as what you expect out of her & from her. When you present these to her explain very firmly that she is old enough to understand & only gets one chance. If she can't follow you guideslines or breaks the rules one time back to her parents she goes.
    aNzsMommy85

    Answer by aNzsMommy85 at 11:53 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • I agree with making rules first, and then presenting them. I would actually go as far as making her sign something stating that she knows and understands, and at the same time explaining the importance of sticking to your word.

    Also have in your contract, that if there is a rule that is just not working for one or both sides, that the first step is to present the concern, and then allow time for discussion and a revision to be made before a final decision is made.

    If you do this, there HAS to be consequences. If there is not, she will not respect you. Don't view it as" rescuing" though, because then you might "fail" to "rescue" her.

    Maybe on of the stipulations would be that you take her to see a counselor of some type, maybe through a church (usually free). I would suggest going to one yourself to help set up the rules and expectations, and act as a mentor to you as well.

    Best of luck! Ask foster moms here too.
    squish

    Answer by squish at 1:50 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • we've been in the same situation before and I am glad it ended up not happening. If we had taken in my BIL, I now knoe he owuld have ruined our marriage and lifes
    gonefishin

    Answer by gonefishin at 1:52 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • I wanted to clarify that my answer was IF you guys decide to do this. I agree with the louise2 that it would probably not be the best thing for either of you.
    squish

    Answer by squish at 1:53 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • Thanks guys but she is pregnant.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on May. 16, 2010

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