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Do I stick by him through this?

Dh and I have been separated since december 09, I'm going to be filing for divorce next weekend. The problem is that I'm having some serious doubts, he's still sweet and charming and all that jazz and our son obviously misses him....but he's still addicted to marijuana. When I say addicted I mean he doesn't have a job, hasn't had one since october 09, spent 200$ of our grocery money on it so dh and I went hungry for a month, smokes all day everyday and cannot or will not quit. When we split up I told him he needed to choose between pot and me... he quit for a week and then was right back to his old habits. So yea, nothing's changed, and I still love him and still want to be with him for our son..... But I'm not sure if he's ever going to grow up. Help?!

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gypsymama532

Asked by gypsymama532 at 10:51 AM on May. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,932 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • If he's not willing to get help, there is nothing that you can do but take care of your son.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:54 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • I had a friend who is going through the same thing. They have broken up a million times. He also has no job and he has a daughter and another on the way but still continues to smoke. I don't think one can get away from that. I'm sorry, but i would leave... Good Luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Until he conquers his addiction it will never change... You don't want your son around that either, it's a horrible role model.... It is going to hurt like hell but you need to move on with your life because he is just going to bring you down.... I know ppl that smoke and can still function but they would NEVER spend grocery money on weed and have their family go hungry.... He has a serious problem.... Just move on and hopefully he will clean up and act like the man he should be... I'm sorry your going through this.... GL!
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 10:57 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • I say if he isn't willing to change his lifestyle for his family, then you shouldn't either. After being separated for THAT long, and he STILL hasn't opened his eyes and realized what he is missing out on then he obviously doesn't care. I am sorry if this is not the answer you were looking for. But you and your son deserve better than this.
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 10:58 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Some times you have to do things you do not want do. For your child, you need to not get back with him. Divorce him. And move on with your life. Love has nothing to do with being with some one. Sometimes. Espesially if they do things like he is doing.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:00 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • I'd leave. Spending grocery money on drugs is wrong. Not to mention what could happen in a drug deal gone wrong. Nope you told him to choose between you and drugs and well he made that choice. I think your son needs a better role model than his daddy too. There's a reason you are separated and a reason you are filing divorce papers. I see nothing wrong with visitation, but the thought of joint custody scares me. What he's doing does not provide a safe environment for a child.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 11:00 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • no, becasuse all you will be doing is telling him that ist okay by the action of going back. Divorce does not mean that you will never have a relationship with him. Move on with your life, and if he wants to change for the better will and then you can start fresh, but ifyou stay, it will only prolong the process.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • Thanks ladies, i've just been feeling so guilty, like I'm breaking up my family....it's just hard right now :(
    gypsymama532

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 11:08 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • leave mama. You gave him a chance. Think about you Lo and yourself. He'll just take the money for bills and such to buy more pot. He doesn't have a job so don't support a pot head loser. He's habit was more important then his own child and that's not fair to your LO. Ditch the loser and give your LO a better enviroment to live in. I know he misses his daddy but once he gets older he'll understand that he's daddy was selfish and could care less if he went hungry.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:10 AM on May. 8, 2010

  • i wouldnt stay with him. do you want your son to end up like that? youll find a nice stepfather who treats your both good.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:13 AM on May. 8, 2010

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