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I need advice from a single mom in my situation!

I am posting this for a friend of mine in this situation. Here it is in a nutshell. They had a very volatile relationship. When she became pregnant he left. He showed up in the delivery room when she gave birth to their son. They got a divorce soon after he was born. They had joint custody for awhile but he hardly ever came to see his son. She recorded during his 3rd and 4th years about a total of 25 hours in 2 years that he visited or came and got him. This started to affect the little boy. So my friend suggested he give up his rights and he took her up on it and had his lawyer draw up the papers. Now the little boy is 7 and is beside himself wanting to see his daddy. He has a few memories of him. He's very angry at his mom and thinks she is keeping him from seeing him. My friend doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to tell him that his daddy doesn't want him. Please be kind offer any advice you can. THX!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:50 PM on May. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • I would speak to a child psychologist. If you don't get this resolved now, you will have a huge problem on your hands....good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • I wouldn't keep him from the little boy. If he wants to seem him, she should let him see him, reguardless of giving up rights etc. The little boy won't be resentful of his mother if she's willing to do this...and the little boy will eventually figure out that his dad is the one that doesn't want to be around.
    His actions will speak for himself. I hope all the best for your friend and her son.

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 3:54 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • The only thing the mom can do is tell the son that she is not keeping the dad from him. Tell her to call the dad and put the son on the phone and let them talk. Let the boy find out for himself that it is not the mom's fault.

    Answer by louise2 at 3:57 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • It's a catch 22 for her. If she let's the father come back around...then he'll be exposed to some dangerous situations. Hence another reason she asked him if he was willing to give up his rights.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:03 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • He will grow out of it. Call Big Brothers Big Sisters and get him a big brother.
    I would hesitate before bringing Dad back into his life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • Well I will tell you what my mom did. She said he did not know how to love me because he was never loved as a child(which is true) and that it was his loss. I was 3 when my dad left. After I lived with him for 4 months when I was 14 I realized that if in fact my mother did keep me from him, she was right to, and almost 10 years later my father is still a scumbag. So I think your friend should tell him that. Just that he does not know how to love him he can not even love himself and that it would be worse for him to see him for even a little while and then have him leave again. Tell him that it is his fathers loss because he is such a wonderful young man and that he should succeed to spite him and NEVER fail and blame him. It worked for me.


    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 9:17 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • i reccommend the pyschologist. to a child wanting to see their really won't matter that they dont know how to love them or what the reason will hurt. i would definately tell him that she isn't keeping him from his father, that his father is the one who left.....but that doesnt mean he isnt special and loved it just means that his father is missing out on the best thing in her life. again, i dont think telling him those things will do it completely, i think he needs to talk to a psychologist. at the very least, the psychologist might be able to give your friend some insight on how to handle it for her son.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:38 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • He's 7 years old a phycolgist won't do anything and he'll probably need more when he's older. I went on and off since I was 8 and I still need it. I thin because when i was a kid everyone said oh that's what she needs and I really didn't and it messed me up. Really it did.

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 9:47 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • I like the not knowing how to love thing. And would maybe leave the door open for contact when he's older. MAYBE... depending on bio-dads current situation allow for phone or mail contact. Or maybe just say... I don't know where he is but when you get older we can look for him and tell him some of the truth.. At 7 they can understand didn't know how and that bio-dad is not in a safe situation and you love him to much to let him get into danger.

    Right now my childrens bio-dad is in jail -- I told them he was in a special job/place that he couldn't have a cell phone so we can't call or see him (they relate it to like when abuelo is in france and I went with that) but yeah my son (6) is esp. having a hard time with it.
    So I sympathize

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on May. 9, 2010

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