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What are some good discipline non-spanking methods?

I am all for appropriate spanking but I am hoping one day to either adopt or be a foster parent and in my state that means that I can't spank. So I'm trying to implement techniques now on my own children but have no idea what works best! I grew up in a spanking home, I spank right now as well as use time out. Any suggestions on other methods?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:06 PM on May. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Love and Logic. Check it out at I use it as a teacher, too. I've been to their national conference in Colorado.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:02 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • Taking away privileges for bad behavior, adding privileges for good behavior, taking away stuff/toys that are being misused or causing bad behavior.

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 4:39 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • The state will give you a list of things you can't do, and it doesn't leave much in the way of discipline. Which in my opinion is how these kids get so out of control in the first place. For example, we can give a time out one minute for each year in age. As if a 13 minute time out is going to mean anything to a teenager! And you can NOT send them to their room with a closed door, it has to stay open. You can not with hold food, which I understand for your three meals, but here this means treats as well. If they demand a twinkie you can not say no. You can not keep them from any school functions or after school activities. And you can not take away belongings like an ipod, cell phone ot video games.  It's pretty much a free for all with foster kids. Good Luck.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • There aren't really any that I have ever found...

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:43 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • Answered at 6:43 PM on May. 8, 2010 by: Anonymous
    There aren't really any that I have ever found...

    That's because you've convinced yourself that violence towards children is the only way to discipline. Watch supernanny or nanny 911 sometimes-they give PLENTY of non-violent methods of discipline.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:18 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • Anon- 6:43 here - and I am a huge fan or SuperNanny... But I don't believe that her tactics really work as well as she believes. Why? Because I have tried them, step by step... And they just don't work! Not at all!! Spank ONCE, and they think twice about doing it again... Timeout does NOTHING! And as for taking their toys, doesn't even equal discipline. Kids just forget they had it in the first place. We took my kids games away, did he care? Nope! He just forgot he had them...

    Spanking works best - it's that simple.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:18 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • Spanking initially works best - then the child behaves worse later on. Initially, the non-spanked child doesn't have the self-control, but then is better behaved than the spanked child. Research shows this.
    An early childhood educator told me to treat your child as if they were a guest in your house, and tell them the rules. Honestly, I have the best behaved kids ever, and I don't spank or "discipline." They are all between 9 and 13, and I have heard it for years. Time-outs are inappropriate as well, if they are used as a punishment!
    Respect your kids. In your mind, replace the word "discipline" with guidance. Your kids love you and want your approval. Know that.
    People here will disagree, but research doesn't!
    Best of luck!

    Answer by Lovey1234 at 8:23 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • I agree with anon 7:02. We have so much more peace in the home since we started using Love and Logic. The more consistently we use it, the better the results. We used to spank, but it seems to be counterproductive. Our oldest would just get more determined to win the next battle. I don't think that people who spank are bad and I don't think that spanking = abuse, but I highly recommend L&L because it is working so well for us. There is a group for Love and Logic on Cafe Mom. You can join and bounce ideas off other parents or ask questions.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:52 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • Anon 4:05, if we're talking about kids in the foster system, I'm not sure it's safe to assume that lack of discipline caused their problems. Many of them have been physically or sexually abused, or passed around from one set of caretakers to another. They act out because they are angry and frustrated (understandably).

    If we're talking about the general public and lack of discipline, I might agree with you.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:54 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • We are non-spankers. We have implemented a system of baseballs (for good behavior) and strikes (for not so good behavior) if a strike is given he loses tv time, a favorite activity or a route he likes to travel. (DS is autistic) we have now started this with my 2.5 year old, he gets tractors and frowny faces. And for chores we give helping hands for helping out and doing chores. After 5 they get a treat at the Dollar Tree! (Mommy's fav & cheap place to shop! Lol)

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 12:46 AM on May. 9, 2010