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Advice from a single mom needed!

I am posting this for a friend of mine in this situation. Here it is in a nutshell. They had a very volatile relationship. When she became pregnant he left. He showed up in the delivery room when she gave birth to their son. They got a divorce soon after he was born. They had joint custody for awhile but he hardly ever came to see his son. She recorded during his 3rd and 4th years about a total of 25 hours in 2 years that he visited or came and got him. This started to affect the little boy. So my friend suggested he give up his rights and he took her up on it and had his lawyer draw up the papers. Now the little boy is 7 and is beside himself wanting to see his daddy. He has a few memories of him. He's very angry at his mom and thinks she is keeping him from seeing him. My friend doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to tell him that his daddy doesn't want him. Please be kind offer any advice you can. THX!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on May. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • Ack! That is a hard situation.... im sure it is common though. Can she tell him that daddy moved away and she doesnt know where he is or something? Or can she call the dude and tell him the situation and see if he DOES want a relationship with the kid at this point? Best of luck to her.
    Tummysmomma

    Answer by Tummysmomma at 4:32 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • WOW, This is such a hard thing.
    I really don't know what to say other than maybe it's time she is honest with her son. Maybe not say "Daddy doesn't want you" but explain to him that Daddy can't be around right now or something along those lines. Explain to him that Daddy was in a hard place in his life and is unable to be around.
    This is so sad and I really hope things work out.
    Tell her, her son is probably REALLY mad at his Daddy, but since Daddy isn't around he can only take it out on her. So, tell her to take a deep breathe and be calm and try to understand her son's frustrations...
    Good Luck to her.
    NOLAmommaKRYS

    Answer by NOLAmommaKRYS at 4:41 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • "Explain to him that Daddy was in a hard place in his life and is unable to be around."
    That's what I did. I had a couple of difficult years with my son, starting when he was around 6....he just wanted to "meet" his dad. When we went to DisneyWorld, he thought his dad would be there because "you can get whatever your heart desires" there. Oh boy, heartbreaking.

    Then he didn't talk about it again for a long time. He brought it back up when he was 16. I told him we would try to find him, by computer and I did. The woman on the phone said I was mistaken and denied knowing anything. Really, what could I do then? So, that was that. I told ds he can go try to find him on his own any time he wants and good luck. Then he will understand what kind of person does that.
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 5:48 PM on May. 8, 2010

  • I told my son the truth. He was 3 when his dad left. and now he will be seven. He didn't start to ask questions until this year. He asked me "why his daddy didn't love him" i always told him he did. i just said "daddy is having a rough time right now, but he loves you very much. I never said bad things about his father to him or in front of him. I keep it 100% with my child. He knows daddy left, because he hurt mommy. and he also knows that he is loved. The anger he feels is not really for her. He's angry with his dad. and he needs to express it. If he is not allowed to work through his feeling he will grow up to be very angry. I hope she can get through this with him. I did and my son is a very happy and healthy child now. It was hard for awhile. but it can be done.
    EttaMay

    Answer by EttaMay at 2:46 PM on May. 10, 2010

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