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Marriage counselor ? (long, sorry)

DH & I are in marriage counseling. We just started with a new counselor last week. We were REALLY late to our 1st appt (long story) and only got to talk w/ her for 15 minutes. This week, we had the full hour. I have 2 issues with her & am wondering if I am overreacting...
1) We had to bring our DD (2) both times because we are having trouble finding childcare. We told her that at the beginning of the 2nd session, and she responded by pointing at my daughter & saying, "Ok well, that's just not going to work for me." and then went on to tell me that I was just bringing my DD so I wouldn't have to pay attention in the sessions. I got pissed & asked her exactly who she thought she was to make snap judgments about me after talking to me for all of 15 minutes (during which I responded to all of her questions in a very timely manner, made eye contact, & provided a LOT of info). She totally backpeddled & started saying that we (cont.)


Asked by Anonymous at 4:42 AM on May. 9, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I agree that you should find another councilor. She may be great at her job, but you guys aren't clicking and it takes a while to find the right person. Don't waste time pouring your heart out to someone you don't trust to have your best interests in mind. You're better off just finding someone you are both more comfortable with.

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:34 AM on May. 9, 2010

  • (OP cont.)
    just couldn't bring DD every time, & that occasionally is ok (like if childcare falls through at the last minute). But she never apologized for accusing me of using my DD to not pay attention in session, even though we told her several times in both sessions that we are NOT intending to bring DD regularly. So she pretty much contradicted herself after personally attacking me.
    2) She is getting records from my DH's & SD's individual counselors so she can understand them better, but she's not getting my records from my old counselor. I told her twice that I was seeing someone but just stopped going in the last couple weeks due to $ (DH & I separated & I have no income or insurance). I feel that if she isn't going to get my individual counseling records, she shouldn't get my DH's either. Why should she know all of his history but not mine? That doesn't seem fair, IMO. Even my DH said he doesn't think it's fair. (cont.)

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 AM on May. 9, 2010

  • (OP cont.)
    I am pretty ticked, & I think we should get a different counselor. Am I justified for being pissed off? Or can someone offer me a different perspective?
    Thanks in advance :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 AM on May. 9, 2010

  • I think you are taking everything she does and everything around you too personal. Listen the world it is not the world -n- you. You need to chill and give this women a chance and bring your child is very disrespecting on not just your part but your hubby's also, and you and your hubby running so late that you only ended up having 15 minute with her your FIRST visit doesn't show that you too are very together so the least you can do is give this a chance and see if she can help you all. For her to do this she has to have BOTH of yours attention FULLY.


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:55 AM on May. 9, 2010

  • get a different counselor..... It doesn't matter how she gets her money she should never talk down on just you when father is rigt there too! Maybe she is working on you two individually first then together. If I felt like she isolated me and talk down on my child I would tell her. That I didn't appreciate her pointing a finger at one parent for bringing a child and I would ask her why it was crutical for her to know his past and not yours. I would tell her her services are no longer needed. Whe my dad and his wife went to marriage conseling they had to bring us, and the people split the kids by age and pretended to be our friend and show concern then asked alot of personal questions like: are you being touched in naughty places and if we eat...etc. My lil brother and sister we both asked as well... They were 2 and 3 yrs old

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:08 AM on May. 9, 2010

  • i would find another counselor. i would also do my very best to b on time and to arrange childcare for every session. it does take time to click with a counselor and to start off on a bad note is no help for u. if u also feel she is being unfair by not getting your records that will not help u establish trust in her and that is necessary to get anywhere in counseling.
    lets face it u r already stressed because u r in counseling and for the counselor not too realize this and talk to u in a professional manner it wont b of any help to u simply because u feel that way.
    i know ts a pain t find another person bugt if u want to get anything out of the sessions i would do so. it isnt any help to feel uncomfortable and then have to change later. u have a gut feeling that u dont like her so follow that and look elsewhere.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:55 AM on May. 9, 2010

  • If you can't be comfortable with your counselor, what is the point of having one? However if you are simply looking for a counselor who will take your side, that would be pointless too.. I do agree that taking your child to your session is a bad idea, but so ist seeing a therapist that you can't work with..

    Answer by Mad_Hexer at 8:26 AM on May. 9, 2010

  • Although I agree that you should try to avoid bringing your dd to sessions, I would get a new counselor. You need someone you feel comfortable with and this isn't the right one for you.

    Answer by bjane01 at 8:28 AM on May. 9, 2010

  • She didn't say it nicely but children ARE a distraction and this is a serious matter that needs undivided attention. I don't think she was making a judgment as much as she was posing her theory. Try to get a sitter so you can give the marriage counseling the attention it needs just like you give your child the attention she needs when you are caring for her.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:53 AM on May. 9, 2010