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how do I deal with my husband's vindictive exwife who is keeping his kids away from him and ruining our marriage?

My husband's exwife has it in her crazy head that I am not a suitable parent and won't let him have his children at our house. He isn't strong enough to stand up to her even after his attorney and our marriage counselor told him she can't keep the kids from him. They both told him to go get his children and if she won't let him have them to file contempt charges against her. Last weekend was his daughters 10th birthday, she would not allow him to get the kids but took them to his parents (Who also hate me) when he called to say he was coming to get them they took the kids back to their mother. Yet he thinks they are trying to "protect" the kids because we were arguing, what none of them realize is the argument was because him not having a spine and getting his children. HELP!!!!!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:48 PM on May. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • It sounds like you need to work on your relationship with your husband's family. What happened that they dislike you so much? Please don't say anything because people usually like someone until they have reason to dislike them. As far as your husband's ex-wife. Stay out of it. You are only going to make it worse. Forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do is going to make it worse. Your husband needs to work something out with her without you. A safe exchange program would work well for your husband, but you need to stay out the parenting and child rearing process unless you are asked by your husband to help him. There is more here than what you are telling us.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • I was on your side until you said his parents hate you too.
    Tummysmomma

    Answer by Tummysmomma at 12:52 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • Well, your husband is going to need to fight his OWN battle! If HIS children mean THAT much to him, he will grow a pair, and DEMAND to see them, regardless of what his ex-wife thinks! Since you say you are not "popular" among your husband's family members, I REALLY think you need to not get involved in the whole mess. Being supportive does not mean belittling your husband--that only causes resentment.

    Your husband needs to enlist the help of the legal system. I've known bitter/angry exes to meet and drop/pick up their children at police stations, via a mutual friend's house, a park, etc. to make the "exchange" more civil.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 12:55 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • I would suggest to you that you put yourself in this woman's shoes. If this were your child, would you just be so willing to give it up to another woman's care? I sure the heck wouldn't. I would be investigating the heck out of you. I would be watching your every step and move before I decided you were fit enough to care for my child. Hey, it's a mother's duty Sweetie. If you don't like it, you should have thought about it before you married this guy. It's time to put on your big girl britches and deal with it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • Oh, and is there a chance you were the "other woman" than broke up the relationship? That's the ONLY reason I can think of why his ex wife AND his family would not like you too much! Sorry, but that's what happens--even though it takes "two to tango!"
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 12:59 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • There are some good stepparenting groups here. Be careful, some are not as supportive. You are in a very tough position. Remember, there are reasons why their marriage broke up and people are resentful. Your husband really is trying to protect his kids from vindictiveness. You need to find support online to help you maintain your sanity, I'm telling you from experience.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • Don't believe he isn't strong enough to stand up to her. He is afraid of what she might do to them and she will probably get away with it. There are mothers who hurt their own kids to get back at their fathers. You might read about Parental Alienation Syndrome.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • Head on your husband needs to get a mediator to find out what is happening she is only vindictive to you because she is protecting her children. Calling her names is not the answer and you need to realize even though he is married to you now something is wrong because his parents do not like you it could just be resentment for the divorce. They need someone to mediate and to find a happy ground for all of them. It can only make the relationship better, some massive healing needs to happen for both parties.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 1:36 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • Were you the cause of the marriage ending?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • How about taking one step at a time. If bio mom will allow him to see them with the parents then start there and work up to family time at home. It sounds like she's not keeping them from him but from you. I"m not bashing but for some reason he's not pushing it (bringing the kids to your home) so maybe you can be understanding and let him see them alone with the grandparents. Sometimes it just takes babysteps. If he is not willing to fight her over this then work with it and build from what she does allow.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:52 PM on May. 9, 2010

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