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Worried about having two kids......

I have this friend that just had her second baby 3 months ago. Everytime I see her she's miserable and constantly saying how hard it is. Also she's mentioned what was she thinking and she would like to give one away.She's so overwhelmed it's crazy. I know she loves her kids but goodness, is it really that bad having one over two or was she just not meant to be a mom. She's kinda scaring me....I have a 2 1/2 year old and Im 7 months pregnant. I wanna know how hard or easy it is..... please moms!! Haahaha!

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Asked by babygirlayla at 6:23 PM on May. 9, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 4 (28 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • being honest it does get a lot harder. My daughter was 20M when my son was born. She was very good with him but as they get older its a lot harder. While your 2 yr old is getting into something your younger one wants to be held, eat, whatever. It does get very overwhelmming but I happy I have them both. It depends on the other kids on if it will be a bit easier. Some kids do fine with a new one (like mine) some dont, some kids rebel and try everything in their power to get the attention on them. It's hard but you'll get through it. Its always worth it. Both of them always play with each other and chase each other around the house.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 6:26 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • I personally don't find it THAT hard, and this is coming from the mother of a 2 year old, 1 year old, and 9 weeks old. You just have to adapt, it's a little tricky at first, just getting used to having to juggle multiple kids, but once you get it down it's not that hard at all. Not to mention, going from one to two is the hardest transition, after that it's even easier to adjust to new additions =) If you ever want/need to talk feel free to send me a message =)

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 6:28 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • my mom has always said it's much easier to have 2 than to have 1. i think it's a lot how you look at things, your dh, how organized you are, and age of the older one. i'm 4 months pregnant with my second and i am really trying to not focus on how hard it is going to be. it is just more stress that i dont need.

    Answer by jennifer588 at 6:34 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • Its hard, but its not that hard. I think you friend just might be a little unstable.

    Answer by laciD at 6:34 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • It all depends on the situation, the mother and the children. If my second had been anything like my first as a newborn I would have been in the nuthouse for sure. He was (and to some extent still is) a high needs child. He was always frustrated, refluxer, never slept, etc…She is 20 months younger and all she really wanted was to be fed on demand and cuddle. My 3rd was the easiest by far, except for the reflux, he got himself on a schedule and slept through the night by 8 weeks.

    Try to tell yourself that you may get frustrated but "this too shall pass."

    Answer by balagan_imma at 6:37 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • I think it's a very hard adjustment, from one to two, for everyone. The first one is learning to share his parents time. You are learning to divide your time. The old routines no longer work and you have to rework everything. Breast feeding throws a kink into the day as well since it's on demand. It can take a few months for everything to come together. Once it does having two kids is great. :0)

    Answer by But_Mommie at 6:45 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • It will get easier. As for your friend, she might want to mention her feelings to her Dr. She may have PPD.

    Answer by 3gifts.from.god at 7:08 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • I love this question... it gets asked a lot, and every time, just the title of it makes me chuckle... Because OF COURSE you should be worried about having 2 kids! It's ridiculous! But OF COURSE you should have 2 kids. It's amazing! First thing to remember: I'm guessing your friend is a close friend... she probably feels with you that she can be perfectly honest, which actually means she feels she can tell you the things she has to keep bottled up for the rest of the time. So remember that... you're hearing the hardest end of it. Second thing to remember: we all, as parents, go into survival mode for the first 6 months and erase the difficulty of the first 3 or 4 months from our memory. So you'll survive, and it will seem rosy in retrospect. Third thing to remember: it's not that hard for everyone. It totally depends on your newborn, what phase big sib is in when baby is born, etc. But if the early days are easy [cont'd.]

    Answer by EmilySusan at 7:29 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • (the early days seemed crazy easy for me), then another phase will be nuts, and those easier/harder phases will keep alternating. Fourth thing to remember: you will NEVER, EVER regret either one of your kids. Your friend won't either... even if she may say that in a tough moment. Your new baby will be his or her own person and you will never be able to imagine, without extreme sadness, life without that one.

    Answer by EmilySusan at 7:31 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • Personally for me it isn't that hard. I went into my second pregnancy thinking this: (I'm a SAHM, by the way)
    1. I am only ONE person. I can only take care of ONE child at a time. If John has to wait while Suzy gets fed/changed then so be it. It will not harm, scar, or otherwise ruin either of their lives if they have to wait.
    2. Pick your battles. John will take advantage of you taking care of suzy, especially if they're a jealous big brother. However, not everything is worth getting up in arms over. Allow yourself some sanity by choosing which battles are worth fighting.
    3. Try to get baby A and B on as close of the same schedule as possible. This will help you greatly in getting that peace and quiet that a mother of two needs. Also, it will help in a routine for your kids, which will benefit them.
    4. Again, you are only one person!! Don't feel guilty EVER for making Suzy wait for John to be cared for. Or visa versa.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 7:43 PM on May. 9, 2010

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