Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

WOW it took me this many years to figure out that my DH relationship with his mother affects me.

He doesn't acknowledge me for Mother's Day. He has no relationship with his mother. He once said I'm not his mother so he doesn't have to get me anything. I would like for him to do what I do for him on Father's Day. I take the kids shopping and buy him something, clothes, tools, cologne. We bake him a cake and I make a nice dinner. I would like something the same. Is it because of his non existant relationship with his mother that I get to pay the price? So this year for Father's Day what should I do????

 
QandA

Asked by QandA at 7:50 PM on May. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Level 26 (26,827 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • i wouldnt do anything..but whose to say he will even notice. I'm kinda pissed too about my dh not having my son even get me a card or anything. I mean, i don't expect my dh to do anything but he could atleast have taken my son to get me a gift.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:59 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • I'd say, do the same thing you do, but just a day late, so he feels how you feel when nothing happens for you on your special day. "Your not my father, so I don't need to do anything" lol Not to be mean...but to make a point.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • I was always told to pay attention to how a man treats his mother because that is how he will treat you. Unfortunatly, it appears to be true in your case. As for Father's Day, do what will make you feel the best about yourself. If doing nothing will make you feel mean or guilty, then it's not worth it.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 8:01 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • was always told to pay attention to how a man treats his mother because that is how he will treat you

    i used to think that, which is one of the reasons i married my Dh, he treats his mom like a queen and always helping her out but he treats me the opposite, he gets mad at me for things he should be mad at his mom about, like her calling all the time asking for help and when i ask for help he blows up at me saying he is only one person he cant help all the time...and i dont ask for miracles either. just things like watch the kids so i can shower kinda thing
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:06 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • This is tough and anything you do (other than ignore it) will probably be seen as retaliation. So, I'll say what I would say to myself in that situation. "Fix you" There's something your doing that he is seeing as an affirmation for him to be non reacting to your needs. I am in no way saying you are the problem, just that maybe you being passive about things like this allows him to carry on whatever bad relationship he has with his mother, with you. You, reacting as "hurt" (even if you don't say anything) would probably affirm (in his mind) his actions. I would choose a time when he does not feel cornered and let him know that he needs to be more responsive and that it's not about the holiday(s) and it's all about the reason why.......If he is in Love with you, does he not feel the need to make you feel appreciated. Tell him I don't want to hear about your mom/son relationship, this is about ours.
    GMMOLLY

    Answer by GMMOLLY at 9:56 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • If my husband said to me you're not my mother so I don't have to do anything for you he would be my ex husband. That being said I would have said yeah that's true I trump that I'm the mother of your children! If he was sill unresponsive and didn't want to participate and appreciate me then I would retaliate.Don't do anything for him on father's day or any other day for that matter and if he's disappointed say "you're not my father and I don't do nice things for people that don't appreciate me."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:16 PM on May. 9, 2010

  • I wouldn't do anything for him then because he's not your father either. If he thinks like that then he really shouldn't even care if you do anything for him or not.
    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 10:41 PM on May. 9, 2010