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If your sister said she no longer wanted to be in your life because of a fight, would you even try to resolve the situation?

My sister and I got into a fight last night because she wanted to keep my boys and I said no, maybe tomorrow. She accused me of with holding my boys from her and threatened to walk out of my life because she needs to protect her feelings. She said some incredibly hurtful things to me. I held my tongue because I didn't want to say something I would regret later but that clearly wasn't a concern for her. I have yet to hear from her but part of me thinks that even if I do, I should keep my distance. My boys are 20 months old so if she were to make good on her threat, they won't really remember her and won't be hurt but if she pulls this again when they are older and will remember, it will kill me seeing them hurt by her walking out of our lives just because she didn't get her way ONE time. For the record, I have basically let her walk all over me and when I finally stand up to her, she can't take it and acts 17 and not 46.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on May. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • does she have kids? maybe she just doesnt think you trust her with your babies, maybe she was just wanting to spend time with them and was trying to help u by giving u a break i would try to resolve things with your sister i havent talked to my dad in OVER a year b/c of physical abuse but hes still my dad and i miss him everyday...... it was just a fight everyone says mean and hurtful things when there mad i would try and work things out maybe she just wants to be closer to you........
    but if she walks all over u i would stand up for myself but try and figure out why she is doing this stuff.......
    please dont quit talking over a fight, its really hard to loose a family member and know they are still here...
    what would happen if something happen to here pray to god nothing does and you havent talked in years you will regret loosing time with her

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • Sorry about, but you are right some grown ups act very childish. They are your babies, it is your right to let them go anywhere. What I would do is just lay low. Do not call her, do not visit, let her come to you. She wants you to kiss her butt. It seems like that is what your relationship has been about. (I mean no offense to you.) Just leave her alone for a while. I bet she calls first.

    Answer by my2kids312 at 12:18 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • Im in this situation with my mother.

    Ive come to the conclusion that if she is that serious about pulling out of my be it. I wont change my parenting nor have a one sided relationship with threats of one thing or another if things dont go their way.

    Id rather my kids not get hurt by a relative that only likes them on their conditions and Id rather be the black sheep and horrid person then let my relatives tell me how to act and what to do esp. concerning MY children.

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 12:30 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • I would just give her time to cool off, maybe a few days.Then I would talk to her. Maybe prearrange an time that is more convent to both of youto allow the boys could spend with thier aunt.

    Answer by nurdreams at 12:35 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • I don't have a sister, but I have plenty of aunts and believe me, they have walked out of my mom's life at least one million times! They, however, always show up the next day! LOL!!!

    Answer by m-avi at 12:36 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • I would not contact her right away. I would give it a few weeks and then write her a well thought out email (or letter) and tell her that this was Mother's Day weekend and that you wanted to spend the time with your children since you are so grateful that you are their Mother. Tell her you're sorry that she feels so strongly about this one situation that she is willing to throw a lifetime of memories away because she missed out on one night of memories. Tell her it is up to her if she wants to throw away your relationship and the bond with her nephews but that unforunately you'd prefer to spend time together as a family instead of alone. Say that you want her to enjoy the time she spends with her nephews without being burdened by the work involved in caring for two small boys who will inevitably be cranky because they miss their parents at night. 20 months is too young imho for sleepovers anyway!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • give it time, next week, call her and ask if she'd like to have coffee. If she rejects you, just say I will wait to hear from you then, and wait wait wait. She won't be able to resist for ever, or if she does, then she is not a healthy person to have in your life. Just because you are related does not mean she is good news.

    Answer by myheartx4 at 12:44 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • Give her time. I think a tantrum like that as an adult is a bit odd, does she often act like that? I have a twin sister and a 17 year old sister so we do have our fights...I love both of them dearly and I'd do anything for them but we've gone weeks without speaking before but eventually things cool off. I've also had huge fights with my brothers but we grew up in a tight knit family too and were raised to never turn our backs on family so that might be different from you and your sister...she doesn't sound like much of a sister if she treats you that way. If she treats you badly you might be better off without her for the sake of your boys, you really don't want them growing up seeing their aunt treat their mom like a doormat. I hope that you can resolve things with your sister. Good Luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • Don't be a doormat for anyone ESPECIALLY FAMILY. I've always had to stand up to my family about rules for my kids. Sometimes they don't like it or understand and will try to do what they wanted to but I shut them down and that made them mad. As the parent don't let them, Make it clear once that you will not tolerate it. If they try after that then distance yourself some and never fight with them about your rules. Your child, your rules END OF DISCUSSION. She's mad because she didn't get her way but that's OK she will either get over it or just stay away. It's better to protect your kids from family who think they can do anything they want because THEY want it. Look after your child and remember who loves them most. YOU.

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 1:43 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • The problem here isn't that you didn't let your babies go stay with her. The problem is that you aren't letting her walk all over you any more, and she just can't stand it.

    She won't stay quiet for long. She'll be back soon, trying to control you again. Stay strong. Protect your children. Feel no guilt about either.

    Answer by inkydorei at 6:32 AM on May. 10, 2010

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