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My sister is having some issues involving her ex and his lack of "fathering"...could use some advice

My sister and her ex, Troy, began calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend when we were 6 years old and they were together up until we were 20 years old. My sister was pregnant when they split up, Troy didn't show up for the birth of his own daughter until an hour before my sis and neice were released. He hated my sister for leaving him and so he decided to cut her and their kid out of his life. My sister ended up falling for my husband's brother - they got married a month after my sister's divorce from Troy was finalized. It's been 4 years and Ryan is the only father Renae has known. Troy has seen her 3 times and the last time he introduced himself as an old friend of her mom's - not even as her father - so now that my sis and her husband are having a baby she's thought about Troy signing over his rights to Renae so Ryan can legally adopt her but she's not sure how Troy will react because he absolutely hates Ryan.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:37 AM on May. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • It's worth a try right?
    CAGirl4

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 12:39 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • OP continued... I think my sis should go to court and have Troy's rights terminated. My sister gets her child support ($30 a week) but Troy always talks her into giving it back to her which she does because she doesn't need his money and honestly doesn't view him as Renae's father. Renae calls Ryan daddy and she's going to be starting pre-school soon and learn to write her name so the issue of her not having Ryan's last name is going to come up and my sister is dreading that conversation. She intends to tell Renae someday about her bio-dad but at this time she is very much a daddy's girl and doesn't want her to be confused.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • if she's that little she won't even blink at the different surname, there will be so many kids with an assortment of names it won't be an issue! I would wait until the baby is born, stop giving the money back ( stick it in a savings account for leverage) when the time is right, when he whinges about paying Child support, she can offer him it all back in a lump sum, in exchange for signing over his rights. If he refuses, she has no right to force it, not everyone is ready to be a parent when it happens. If they split at 20, and were already married and expecting, he must have been a young groom, far too young to handle his situation maturely. No-one knows if he might wake up to himself and be a proper father, and unfortunately for your sister she chose to have a child with him. She can't take that back now she has found a better version.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • I am in a simular predict. My ex moved in the next state and has not seen my girls in two years and maybe called them twice when he was drunk. He has made threats agianst my current husband if he tries to adopt he was going to kick his %$#. he doesnt even pay support. I knew he was going to be like this because he has three other kids he has done the same to. He doesnt want to support them but he doesnt want someone else to take them ethier. I have made a will up so my girls go to my current husband . We are planning to have him adopted the girls when we get the money together to do so but the girls still view my current husband as dad no matter. I think you sister should at least try 2 talk to her father first to see if he will sign his rights first, to try to avoid having a painful court battle. Tell him he is no longer responsable for child support if he does sign his rights over. I truely wish your sister the best of luck
    nurdreams

    Answer by nurdreams at 1:01 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • to the OP....suggest to your sister that she ask the girl's 'father' to terminate his rights, with no mention of wanting her current dh to adopt. Once his rights are terminated, she is free to move on and her new husband can petition for adoption. Might keep the tempers from flaring so much.
    inkydorei

    Answer by inkydorei at 6:27 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • She can just ask but not many men like giving up their rights. He might surprise us all though. Just talk with him
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:31 AM on May. 10, 2010

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