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Do any other non-white moms feels this way?

I am of Japanese heritage. My grandparents came here in the 1930's. My husband is also Japanese & like me his grandparents came here in the 1930's. Our eldest daughter (age 17) is dating a Caucasian male (age 17, also). We really are not happy about this because we do feel that she should be with someone who is Japanese like her. Of course, if we ban this she will only be more attracted to him so we cannot. Do any other non-white moms feel like this when it comes to who their children date? It just is not right and I don't know how to get her to understand that she should stay with someone who is Japanese as well. Her older 3 brothers (ages 23, 26 and 29) have Japanese wives and have never been interested in white girls...or anyone not Japanese for that matter. It iss very upsetting.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:43 AM on May. 10, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (28)
  • Anon: White people are usually not JUST one nationality. OP, I am Croatian (perceived as "white") and we feel the same way. Croatians with Croatians. No mixing.If your views are based strictly BECAUSE of skin color that is wrong but if it is because of cultural differences, it's logical. If a German/Irish girl were to want to date a Jamaican/French boy it wouldn't be the sam thinge. Both would be of mixed ethnic heritage. But if a 100%Croatian girl from a family who speaks Croatian and who is very immersed in their culture I DO understand the parents being upset if their daughter wants to date a Hungarian/Irish boy. All are white but the cultural difference is a huge one. I understand someone who is Japanese wanting their children to be with someone who is Japanese. Just keep your daughter immersed in her culture and introduce her to Japanese boys. She will understand on her own.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • What's sad, is that you can feel this way, and voice your opinion, but if a white woman were to say the same thing you just said, she'd be "racisit".
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • She's likely to actually "settle down" with a Japanese man so I wouldn't worry about it right now, she's only 17. That said, White people are the majority in most of this country so by wanting her to only date only japanese men you're really limiting her dating feild. Would you rather she married within her race to a guy that just treated her OK, or wasn't the best match for her or would you rather she married a guy that was perfect for her in every way but race? As long as she's really happy I would try to see past race.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • What's sad, is that you can feel this way, and voice your opinion, but if a white woman were to say the same thing you just said, she'd be "racist".


    Yeah this plus you DD is a AMERICAN and she is dating another AMERICAN... so I don't understand what the problem is?? This is a very racist thing to say/feel. You disgust me!!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • I'm white. German actually. I feel the same way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • Exactly. This is racist and I'm glad that your daughter has some sense in her head. What else do you believe? that women should be subservient? seen and not heard? we're only good for waiting on our men and raising children? ugh it makes me sick
    flaggot13

    Answer by flaggot13 at 12:54 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • To the 1st anon... I don't think it's a racist thing, I think it's a cultural thing. -anon :52
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • I agree with the other anonymous moms on here. Just because you are not caucasian, doesn't mean you aren't being a racist. Racism is defined as a person hating another race not a white person hating a black. That's just the most common. You are racist.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • I am the OP. I do not hate white people at all. We speak Japanese, we eat Japanese cuisine, we follow Japanese customs and traditions. A non-Japanese person would not fit in with our people. I would feel the same if she were interested in an African boy, a Chinese boy, a Greek boy. I follow Japanese traditions so yes suppose this means to me that yes, women follow their husbands commands. I would rather my daughter be with a Japanese man who works hard and who provides for his family than for anything else. My parents expected the same for me. My daughter goes to a Japanese school, she belongs to Japanese only clubs, etc.. She is usually only around Japanese people. She met this boy from a friend. I do hope that she will realize that they too much things that are different and that she will understand that staying within our culture is important.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • I'm african american, my son is african american, and I would never think of telling him he could only marry someone who is african american. I raised my son in a very diverse culture his friends are white, hispanic, chinese, russian, indian, etc. I think it is so sad when parents want to limit their childrens relationships whether as friendships or for marriage. My family is made up of such a mixture and I know so much about multiple cultures because of it. I have a niece who is black and mexican, my nephew is black, japanese, filipino, and native american..when our families get together it is so culturally diverse it's great. I think it would be boring any other way. I say if she wants to be with someone of a different race, let her, learn something about the other persons culture, get to know the parents, and open your mind and heart to something new.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on May. 10, 2010

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