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Would you say it's selffishness or high maintenance?

I have a SIL that every time someone or I talk to her or ask her bout the kids or how's it going, she makes it all about her. She starts talking about how HER day is, how SHE feel, what new shoes or purse she just got n how SHE needs a break or time with her friends. She doesn't think twice about leaving the kids with someone else just so she can get out. She will talk about the kids and things but it's short n cut dry. But when it comes to her, she can talk for ever n she can literly spend hours getting ready. I've told her she sounds consided but She says she's just high maint. Even my bro says HM. I think she's just full of it n very selffish.

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lilhandswonder0

Asked by lilhandswonder0 at 4:23 AM on May. 10, 2010 in Beauty & Style

Level 3 (26 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • okay is there a difference between high maintenance and selfish? Not to me, you can call it a vagina or a pussy but we're still talking about the same thing - ( sorry a little graphic I know but...) so she's selfish/conceited/high maintenance. the thing is can you change her? No! so either ignore all that rubbish or put up with it. EG when you ask "how is Sally" and she says " OMG she's such a ratbag, I need a break from her" Then you can say back " Yes but how is she, she's my niece and I love her" It will put her back in her box. If she starts banging on about her pruses etc, just say, "well as long as the kids are okay, I've gotta run bye" People will treat you how you let them treat you. If you sit there listening to an hour of rubbish, she thinks you are genuinely interested.
    It's not for you to fix her personality, but you can change how you respond to it.
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 4:46 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • It is a little conceited of her but there may be other reasons... Maybe she's lonely and never gets to talk about herself. I'd ask her, straight out. Until you point out peoples flaws, they can't better themselves.
    SinaiJ

    Answer by SinaiJ at 6:20 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • maybe she is depressed and feels like she has lost herself since she had kids. i know i went through that about a year after my second was born. i didnt feel like i was me anymore, just someones wife amd mother. maybe she is hm. but myabe you call her up and just ask how she is, try not mentioning the kids a couple of times. if you seem into her, caring about what she is doing and feeling, she might change.
    jamiethornton26

    Answer by jamiethornton26 at 7:08 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • Yup, sounds that way to me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:20 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • I wouldn't go so far as to say high maintenance. She may brag about something she got because it doesn't happen often. But selfishness-possibly. I have a friend who is this way as well. We live in different states now and every time I talk to her she could care less about anything I have to say about my family and how things are going since we moved. But when I ask a question about HER life she could go on and on for hours.
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 7:38 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • In my experiance it is selfish and she feels that she is more improtant. And since when is high maintanence a good thing. Sorry my sister is the same way, hence we don't talk.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 7:40 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • Maybe she is lonely or does not have too many friends and that could be why she goes on and on about herself-- she has no one to share with and she wants some attention and recognition. I can see how it would get boring and annoying for you. I think you may have to give her a genaric "that's nice" and then try re-directing the conversation.... example-- she goes on and on about how she got a new purse for 60% off-- "thats nice. So is Sally looking forward to summer break?" Maybe if you keep re-directing she will get the hint. Or you may have to call when your brother is there and talk to him about the kids.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 8:51 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • You have to be selfish to be high maintenance.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:55 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • She probably just feels unimportant because no one asks her how she is or how she is feeling so she just tells them. She never gets any attention so she spends hours making herself up so people look at her (or she thinks people do) and buys shoes ect so people pay attention to her stuff and not the kids.
    sunshine06

    Answer by sunshine06 at 9:03 AM on May. 10, 2010

  • All good answers! I have talked to her and asked her why she's like that, why she talks about herself and she ignore the question and keeps talking about herself. She not only does that with me, she does it with everyone she talks to, and she does have lots of friends and she's always on the phone with someone.


    I've even asked her mom if she's always been like that and she said "oh yes". I guess my SIL feels she's the center of attention at every gathering because her mom never told her not to be that way. She's the baby and she's always gotten everything she's ever wanted. So I guess that would make her a bit selfish, conceded and what not.  I just think that for her age, and having a family already, she shouldn't be like that or try to be different at least.

    lilhandswonder0

    Answer by lilhandswonder0 at 12:28 PM on May. 10, 2010

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