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my sexual fantasies might cause a problem..

i'm open with sexuality.. somewhat. i want to try a 3some and all that, which my BF is open to as well (regardless, 2 guys, or 2 girls).... but the thing is- i am really interested in BDSM... either just sexually, or the lifestyle as well.

but my BF was taught to treat females with respect, etc. everything that is somewhat against BDSM (there'd be spanking, tying up, basically he'd be my master, me his slave). i dont know what to do. :-( i love my BF, but at the same time, i sexually crave that lifestyle/kind of sex.

what should i do? tell him and hope for the best, or keep it under wraps?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:12 PM on May. 10, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • You never know...he may secretly be dying to do that. My boyfriend also treats women with respect...but in the bedroom..he's an animal.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • Yea I say tell him. The worst thing that can happen is he will be like "no" but you never know, he might like being able to get wild in the bedroom with you. My husband is really sweet to me, but in the room im like "hit me!" lol. I mean we are not into BDSM, i dont know too much about it, but yall can start off light and keep going to where yall are both happy

    Answer by BrittanyD07 at 3:21 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • If that is who you are, share it with him. i am a sub, and know that i can never be satisfied with vanilla sex. i've tried to go back to the vanilla lifestyle before after being involved with BDSM. If he's not willing to explore D/s or M/s with you, then you have to ask yourself if you can be happy and fulfilled in that relationship over the long term. If not, then maybe he's not for you.

    Do you guys watch porn? Maybe you could find some movies with light BDSM and see how he reacts to it? Or just, in the heat of passion, say "spank me"? Let him know that you don't feel disrespected by it.

    i totally understand your desires. good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • I agree with pp's TELL HIM he will most likly be willing to try a few things but he cant if he isnt sure what to do so talk to him and tell him what you like.Sounds like your sex will be fun!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • Talk to him. My dh is a total southern gentleman in public - opens doors, says yes maam, stands when I approach a table, etc. but he and I are both very into bdsm when we're alone together.

    Answer by missanc at 3:45 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • First off you need to decide if you just want to try it out in bed OR if you want to live that way. Then you need to do your research on it and find out EXACTLY what it entails. Then just talk to him.

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 4:14 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • bdsm is ALL about respect. All that stuff is done within boundaries with you having the ultimate say even when you are the sub. Come to one of the sex advice forums on Cafe Mom to find out more.

    Answer by madfoot at 4:37 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • ok so I will ask it.... what is DBSM???? sorry but sounds

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:02 PM on May. 10, 2010

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