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What can I do about a 15 year old girl who sneaks around behind my back to see a 19 year old guy?

My daughter has been lying and sneaking around behind my back to see a 19 year old guy. She is only 15. She works with him he is her supervisor. I have already talked to the store owner and manager about them not being scheduled to work together. Furthermore I have confronted him. She is too young for him and adult situations. So everything was going fine until I had a phone call telling me she was still talking and seeing this guy. So I snooped in her room and found her journal. Everything the person told me was in that journal. We took the computer and cell away. Then I went on my verizon and looked at her data usage and his # is all over the place. She has been lying to me all along. Now I found a new email and face book account with messages back and forth between them and it doesn't sound good. He told her to lie her ass off and be sneaky. I did call the police before and they were not much help. What do I do?

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rosiebottom

Asked by rosiebottom at 3:18 PM on May. 10, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • Police can't do anything unless there is proof of sex.I would say get to know the guy because she will sneak around anyways.If that is not an option make her quit her job but she will hate you and probably rebel more.
    lendales_mommi

    Answer by lendales_mommi at 3:24 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • I don't know what to tell you because I was a 15 yr old girl with a 19 yr old boyfriend, and nothing my parents did worked. I was just determined to see him and thought it was true love and everything they did to try to prevent me from seeing him just made me more determined to see him and cast the whole thing in an even more appealing light. Now I absolutely see why they did not think it was ok and did not want me to see him, but I still can't see what they could have done to make me leave him alone.
    I think there are a couple things you could do for damage control. 1) Allow her to date him, but only with you as a chaperone. I bet dragging her mom around with them will ruin the appeal for him. I think this would have put the kibosh on my teen love affair faster than forbidding it. 2) They are probably having sex even though you will probably never get her to admit it. Get her on the pill so you aren't stuck with him forvever
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 3:26 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • 3 Don't alienate her over this. Either this is the real thing and you are going to end up with this guy for a son-in-law (not likely) or it will run it's course and she will see you were right and need your support. 4 Don't ground her thinking that it is the best way to keep her from seeing him. She will find ways to see him if it means skipping school, and grounding her will just cut her off from her friends and she will need them as an additional support network or she will just turn to him more and more.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 3:28 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • First of all she needs to quit the job! Second of all please make sure she is on BC--I know she is too young, but she is def. too young for a baby, and so are you!! I would check into a boot camp situation,, I know it is extreme, but the lying and sneaking part is worse than actually liking the boy. I would think the police could do something, and I am pretty sure you can get a restraining order to keep him from seeing her. I am so sorry about this, but you are RIGHT to put a stop to this ASAP? If he lives with his parents,, I would call them as well,,,take her to a family therapist ASAP!! I would not allow my son to date a 15 year old girl,, if he was 19 totally out of line!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:28 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • 15 and 19 is not that serious I was dating much older guys at that age and my parent couldn't do nothing.I agree bc and gett to know the guy oh and going on dates with them haha LMFAO
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • You know what,, don't listen to others who think it is okay,, Your her mom, and you have a right to be concerned about this! Stick to your guns momma!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:37 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • i was 16 when i had my first serious relationship, and he was 20. its really not that big of a deal. its not like shes 12. they might be soul mates. who are you to get in the way of love? i know its tough letting your kids grow up, but you kinda have no choice. shes going to be an adult in 3 yrs. you act like shes dating a 35 yr old or something. lol, jeez.
    i think you need to take a deep breath and calm down. alls your doing is making your daughter not trust you, probably hate and resent you. good job mom! now she wont come to you when she needs advice, or wants birth control.
    you need to let go alittle bit, let her grow up. its a boyfriend. its okayy.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 3:54 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • well i hate so say this but the more u push it the more she will do it. I been there and done that and did we listen to our parents? no we have to learn from our mistakes, and yes it does sound bad bc of the age but the police wont be any help unless she has sexual contact and then youll have to prove that! it hard bc i know what i put my mother through behind the same thing. kids are much more mature these days.. i understand you think she might be pressured into things, but you have to pray that you have instilled morals into your child that they will make the right choices. N i dont blame you for being concerned or even angry =.. maybe take it one day at a time and try talking to her like a mature child and see if you get a better reponse. I hope this helps>>
    deverrick

    Answer by deverrick at 4:19 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • When I was 14, I was seeing a 19 y/o and my mom did everything under the sun to try and stop us from seeing each other and nothing worked. She even called the police at one point but they couldn't really do anything I guess. Eventually, I ended up running away with him. We got caught after only 8 days .... but the point is.... I was bound and determined to be with him no matter what my mom did or said..... and now looking back on it, like one of the pp's said, I honestly can't think of a single thing my mom could have done to change my mind. Eventually, my mom gave in and let us see each other when I was about 16 ... and then when I was 17 I figured out on my own that he was definitely not someone I should be with and I ended it. But I had to find out ON MY OWN.

    You should just talk to her and try to come to some kind of compromise... because it's going to be really hard to convince her to stop seeing him.
    JenMarie2007

    Answer by JenMarie2007 at 6:55 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • as always agrees with purple butterfly
    pisces_chick89

    Answer by pisces_chick89 at 7:00 PM on May. 10, 2010

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