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not comfortable with the term birth "mom"... any one else??

Our adopted daughter came to us through the foster care system. She was removed at birth and placed in a foster care home until she was matched with us. I am uncomfortable with calling the person who gave birth to her a bio mom or birth mom. We refer to her by her fist name. I know a few of you might not agree with me but this person was never a mom or mother to any of her 9 or maybe even 10 children. So just because a person can give birth to a child does not mean they are a mom. So go ahead and bash me but I am entitled to my opinion and was curious if any others felt the same way... if you are brave enough to admit it...
i do not want my daughter to grow up thinking she has two mothers, however she will grow up knowing that someone else gave birth to her but i am her mother... and she will have all the information that was given to me when she is old enough to understand.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on May. 10, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (55)
  • I think you are 100% correct.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • You have the child, you have all rights to the child, youre her/his mother...what more do you want?

    Answer by TwistofCain at 11:02 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • I believe that the term mother can have different meanings just like love has many appearances. to me, she is the birth mom.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:02 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • I see it as a moot point because it is a fact that she has a bio "person" mother or not. Someone gave birth to her and at different times in life, like at the doctor, she'll have to refer to her bio mother (medical history). Your disdain for her mother is a side issue and for all we know, the birth mother is a terror. That doesn't change the point of reference for me. She'll always have a bio mom, you won't be able to squash the fact. If you're her mom, she'll know it. You're the one who loves and cares for her. That's what matters.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:05 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • She will always hold a title of being the "Mother" to that child.....she'll never be called..."mommy" "mama" or terms that refer to an emotional bond, but you cannot deny the biological bond.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • then ur just a legal guardian

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • i agree with you! i cant stand "birth mothers".
    i think they are disgusting selfish sorry excuses for women.
    how dare they make babys in there belly, give them away to strangers, and then expect to be called any form of a mother.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:13 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • I call my mother-in law "mom" too. I would have no problem calling 10 different women "mom" if I feel that way about them.

    Answer by cristinaberger at 11:14 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • I'm sorry but she is her mother, whether she was a good one or deserving of the title doesn't really factor in. The resentment you show for her mom is ultimately going to effect her. I know it's hard, and I know that kids in the foster care system have had terrible things happen to them. Sometimes it's hard to think of their parents as humans, let alone parents but you have to. I suggest you soften your approach or you will make your daughter question herself later on, after all you loathe the person from whom she was made and that can be pretty powerful. Your own feelings and beliefs aside you haven to do what's best for your daughter.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 PM on May. 10, 2010

  • By the definition of a mom-a woman that gives birth-she is her mother. I think you need to get over it before your daughter knows how angry you are by it. You sound pretty jealous to me.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 11:18 PM on May. 10, 2010

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