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i dont know what to do.. finances... future. etc.

I am currently in school. with my one degree, I will be making 45K a year. but for now- I am not working.

my BF works part time. I feel like he's not doing enough. I know- it makes no sense.. but its like he only gets paid $7/hr, working from 20-30hrs a week, making like $150 or less a week! I feel that he'll be stuck in that situation. he's been in that type of situation for over a year now- sometimes with a job, other times, no job. he talks of going to school, but doesnt make the plans TO go to school (pay financial aid, or save $300 for one class).

i want to be a SAHM, b/c thats how i always imagine myself- at home, with kids... and i feel that he cant really provide that for me... but at the same time, i'm a single mom- i will work if i have to work, adn i know that if he wants to go to school- and we are living together, i'll support him if he does that.

cont

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:48 AM on May. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • OP: i'm just not sure how to feel. I mean, one hand, i want to be a SAHM, other hand, i want to work and provide/i HAVE to work and provide b/c i have a child... my child is not his child! although he somewhat acts like it; he helps discipline, rewards, plays together, etc. we've been together for almost 2 years now, and my child is still young, although he knows he's not "dad" but doesnt have a dad to compare him to.

    is this a good relationship? i mean, he's horrible at saving money, but at the same time, he's not making real money (he gets less than 500 a month). would you stick it out? i want more kids in the future- like 2 years from now. i'm graduating in Dec, have a job interview for a 40k job next wednesday. i can work there, while i'm in school.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • sometimes you need to think about your future as a family rather than a future just for you.
    if you want him to be able to make enough money then you should allow him to go to school and you go to work...pays obviously a lot different or there is no point in you wasting time and money getting educated if your not going to help
    hes working suporting the best he can and your lazy'
    get off your ass and help or you can attempt to be alone...your choice
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • OP: wait- sorry.. forgot to add this part, I guess. he lives at home. and I live at home. we do NOT live together, and other than normal boyfriend/girlfriend dates, there's no supporting of each other. I dont pay his bills and he doesnt pay mine. dates are somewhat 50/50-- if he has the money, then he'll pay. if he doesnt have the money, then i'll pay.

    i think in both ways-- as a family.. and as an individual. i am not married to him, so legally, we have no ties together. if something was to happen to us, and i only thought of the family future, where would that leave me basically? trying to figure out what to do with my individual self... with child. but i WANT to think family future- which would be, if we moved in together, and he wanted to go to school, then i'll support him while he did that.

    another problem is that he doesnt even know what he wants to go to school for!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • i think you should encourage him to take some GE classes while he figures out what he wants to do. that way he is at least making progress and if you are both living at home I suppose he has no real reason to think like an adult because he is not living like an adult, and neither are you for the most part.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • I think you and him moving in together wouldn't be the best idea right now cause you think that he should be someone he isn't and can't be right now. You should be thankful that he has a job no matter what he is making per hour he has a JOB and that's more then what a lot of people have know a days. I think you need to speak to him about the future and see what he really wants and another thing: Don't put your life on hold for any man, you have spent how much time going to school and studying money so go and make your dreams come true and if he isn't the one then so be it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • run, run run run away from this man with no work ethic. if u wanted to b a sahm u need to have the husband with the job FIRST!! your hopes of turning this situation with this man into what u want is hopeless, imho. so get out now before u gv up a good job and fail to c the reality of the sitaution for an even longer period of time. u can make a good living for u and yr child without him. i bet as soon as u get a job he will b watching tv on the couch. eatting your groceries because u hv the education and he doesnt c the need to do anything when u already hv. get out while u can. good luck. please get out. u need to smell the coffee.
    emily1234

    Answer by emily1234 at 2:38 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • I agree with emily....
    flaggot13

    Answer by flaggot13 at 6:20 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • I agree with emily as well. He doesnt seem like he can provide you with the kind of future you want. Even if you work now it doesnt mean you wont meet someone new and be a stay at home mom later. He doesnt sound driven or understand what it takes to provide for a family. I think if i were you I would move on and find someone with your same vision of the future.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 10:36 AM on May. 11, 2010

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