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Wow this is huge..any advice?

Little background info:My DD is almost 2.I dated her dad for a year and a half. We broke up, I got with someone else then found out I was pregnant with my ex's baby.Current bf wanted to stay with me. We had tough times and great times. Ended up breakin up bc of other things. Were together for 2.5 years. IN that time..my ex and I still had feelings for each other and a couple times I almost left my bf for him. 2 weeks before my ex got married we had strong feelings and I could have been with him. He told me he was getting married (hes in the army) I felt stupid for letting him go when I knew I'd wanted to be with him. So I let him be...I couldn't do anything else. Now my ex wants to be with me. He says hes had feelings for me for so long that he just can't ignore them anymore.He knows he shouldnt have gotten married. He can get an annulment. Well, he lives in Wash.State and I live in VA. That means I'd have to move there. Cont

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on May. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • No one knows we have feelings for each other except my best friend. This would be HUGE to my family. But I know that I will be wondering what if if I didn't at least give it a try. I'm not tryin to get in the way of him and his wife. So this is soley up to him. He told me this last night. And i've always told myself if he came back I'd take him back. Idk what to do or how to go about this. Im just going to wait it out I guess. Any suggestions?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • How has he been with your dd this whole time? Is he close to her? Why did you break up the first time?
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:23 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • Make sure he is clear from his marraige, it is not what you say it is what you do.

    He can say anything he wants but he should prove it. :) Good luck.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:24 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • Does he have kids from his marriage? That would complicate things as well.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:25 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • Tell him to call you when he is available to even talk about this. He can get in trouble with the Army especially if the wife finds out he's straying. Even if it's just talking, it can cause major problems for him.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:27 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • OP here: OH crap. Yeah you're right admckenzie. No he has no kids. They haven't even been married a year and only have KNOWN each other for a year. Yeah I'm going to stay away until he does. I told him we need to talk on the phone about all this because it's serious. He's been around our DD enough for her to recognize him and they get along quite well when he's here. My BF was more of a dad to her though. But thats a different story. We broke up the first time bc we were young like 18 and we fought constantly. Having space from each other helped us grow and mature. And realize A LOT
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • He needs to delete any and all communication with you and then get a divorce because he isnt happy. Then you guys need to spend time together before making a decsion. he shouldnt leave his wife just for you. If he wants outof his marriage then he can get out. Then you guys can see if something is still there but without the pressure of 'I left my wife for You".
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • My ex husband was actually married to me, and ANOTHER woman at the same time (long story), and the Army didn't do SQUAT about it...even when the "other" wife (I was married to him first) went squawking up his chain of command. So I doubt they'd say anything about him talking to the mother of his child if his current wife finds out. Just like civilian court, they have to have proof beyond a reasonable doubt he's cheating in order to do anything, and even then they may not persue it.

    At any rate, DO NOT take him back until his divorce is over with. It's just bad ju-ju. Take time to talk, and make sure these feelings are real, and that he's serious. If he is, he'll get a divorce. If he does divorce, and you get the chance to make your family work, do it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 AM on May. 11, 2010

  • to Anon 11:39- A friend in my husbands platoon got caught gang banging some girl with a couple other men and since he was married man and unfaithful to his wife he got an Article 15, demoted, and kicked out of that platoon. He couldve even got charged for adultery if his spouse was to push for those charges, but she didnt. I heard for ppl getting dishonorable discharge and a year of confinement even. So normally they dont just sweep that sorta thing under the rug if theres actual proof of the offense. How was your husband even able to be married with you and another women at the same time to begin with? Especialy when hes in the army? That doesnt make ANY sense.
    jessran1218

    Answer by jessran1218 at 12:31 PM on May. 11, 2010

  • Anon 1:41pm..for you to even say something like that..your the worthless bitch that has no life but to say stupid shit to other women on cafemom. If you dont like it...stay the fuck out of this question.

    BTW HE CAME TO ME........not the other way around.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on May. 11, 2010

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