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Where did I go wrong? I can't handle this anymore.

The screaming, the telling me "NO"...I can't handle this.
People say to be consistant with your child, but I can't handle the crying afterwards.
Today's a prime example. My DD was outside hitting things and I asked her to stop (I was just inside the door sweeping, and she was playing...the door was left open). So I asked her to stop and continued sweeping.....she starting banging things again, and I told her it was time for a time out. I sat her on a chair in the kitchen and told her she's in time out for not listening....and that I asked her to stop banging. I continued to sweep and she started screaming. I told her it was time for a nap since she isn't screaming. Then she started balling and saying "no no no" ...well I put her in her bed and told her it was naptime and that she's not to get out of bed.
She just woke up my boys...is continuing not to listen by getting out of bed (I've put her back 20+ times) CONT...

 
CAGirl4

Asked by CAGirl4 at 2:15 PM on May. 11, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 22 (13,438 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Not sure if this will help you or not...but I just started listening to this program on CD and reading some literature on it. It's called " LOVE AND LOGIC"
    Its a different way of parenting that offers empathy for the child in a way that helps to get them to listen to you..and it being thier own idea to do so. So far so good here. They have it for all ages and stages.
    I have the catalog but there is a website on the back of it, check it out:
    www.lovaandlogic.com
    Good Luck! p.s. I've been there too...and my son is 10 now and he's acting like hes reverted back to terrible twos! If I knew of this then, I would have tried to implement the ideas back then..probably would have saved me some serious migraines and some temper tantrums from him.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 2:34 PM on May. 11, 2010

  • CONT....WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!!!????? This same senario has happened for the last 3-4 days....I follow through and it's HOURS of this struggle. She cries and says sorry...and i've learned that she says sorry to get out of what she's done. I tell her we can continue to play after her nap, what she did wasn't nice and it wasn't nice to not listen.
    For all the spankers out there, i've tried that and it only opens a gate for me of going off the wall on her, so I don't want to go there.
    PLEASE NO BASHING.....I JUST NEED SOME HELP!!!! I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE!!! I'm so tired/sad/angry/frustrated!!!!

    PS....She woke up the twin boys from thier nap!!!!! :(
    CAGirl4

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 2:17 PM on May. 11, 2010

  • You do not ASK her to stop. You TELL her to stop. Did you go out and take what ever she was using to hit things away from her? that's what I would have done first. Then I would have made her sit (crying/screaming) tell she shut up. Every time she said no to me she would stay there longer. I would be telling the longer you are bad the longer you sit there.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:32 PM on May. 11, 2010

  • 1. Remain calm. Try not to raise your voice.
    2. Why didn't you want her hitting things? Did you explain this to her? Or did you just tell her to stop?
    3. Seems like time-out is ineffective. Spanking is not appropriate.
    4. You used a nap as punishment. She most likely wasn't tired. Sitting in bed when you're not tired is pure torture. Perhaps having her sit on the couch with a movie would have been a better option.
    5. Stop the power struggles. You are the parent, but that doesn't mean you have to rule with an iron fist. Allow her to make some minor decisions-eg, letting her choose what to wear from a few options YOU have chosen, etc.

    The whole incident started because you told her to stop hitting things.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on May. 11, 2010

  • also I would have ignored her sceaming although it would wake the others because she wanted your attention. but if you insist on a nap is there away for her to nap where the twins can't hear her crying because even if you have to put her back 100 times & she cries that is what needs to be done, just let her cry she is 3 or 4 I don't do CIO for kids under 2 but shes is older..
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 2:37 PM on May. 11, 2010

  • First and foremost, it's worth noting that a child this age lacks impulse control. It's a developmental milestone that preschoolers simply haven't hit yet. So, even though she is saying she knows she was wrong and promises to be better about it -- that doesn't mean she will because it doesn't mean she CAN resist that urge to bang on the next thing that tempts her.

    Second, sometimes when we're overwhelmed it's really easy to address the bad and focus on that. And as a child it's easy to feel like that's all I'm going to hear so who cares. Don't just say no. Say no and offer an alternative. When she's banging on something, say "No. We do not bang things like that. You're going to wake up your brothers. How about we blow bubbles instead." Or "can you show me how fast you can run from here to the fence and back?" Redirection is your friend. Tell her what you do not want, tell her why and then tell her what she can do instead.
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 2:38 PM on May. 11, 2010

  • (cont) with twin younger brothers she's probably also feeling some degree of sibling jealously - I assume they are younger based on what I'm reading here? Use their nap time for DD time. Yes, you need to clean and all that - but the house can wait. She wants attention. Give it to her. When my 2 were younger, I'd use DD's nap time to devote totally to my son (who is 2 yrs older than DD.) If I had to get housework done right then, I'd make it a game and include him in it. We'd dance as we swept. We'd bake. We'd do laundry and use the towels in parachute games. His behavior improved enormously from that little change.

    Catch DD being good. Don't just focus on what she's doing wrong. WHen she does something you expect of her, notice it. "thank you for being such a good quiet girl during your brother's nap. They're so lucky to have such a sweet big sister and I am very lucky to have such a good big girl helper!"
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 2:42 PM on May. 11, 2010

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