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Feeling betrayed by my mom...should I still try to comfort her?

I love my mom and for the most part she is a wonderful mother, now that I'm 24 that is. When I was a teen I couldn't stand to be around her. I moved out when I was 14 because I was on the verge of losing it completely and twin sister was the same way. Over the years my twin and I were both able to repair our relationship with our mom and now things are great, however I have a 17 year old sister who showed up at my house last week and begged me to let her move in. She wants me to allow her to live with me until she either finds her own place or goes off to college (she still has her senior year of highschool to go) and I said yes. I really don't mind having her live with me. She is a great help around the house and with my kids, she pitches in around the house (including paying rent) and I understand what she's going through. I've tried making things easier on my mom who now feels like her daughters can't stand her but ....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on May. 11, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • .... my brother heard my mom try to talk my sister out of moving by claiming I said a bunch of hurtful things which I never said and my sister knows I never said them. After my brother called me I was hurt and when my sister got home I asked her about it and she said it was true that my mom said those things. I feel like telling my mom that if she wasn't such an asshole to her daughters maybe we would've stuck around. She never drove my brothers away - she just doesn't know how to raise teen girls apparently. She won't try to stop my sis any other way because she knows it will make things worse so she resorted to the worst kind of trash talking she could think of to make my sister think I didn't want her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on May. 11, 2010

  • Well it seems that after loosing you and your twin, your mom has not learned the error of her ways if she has now lost a 3rd daughter. Sometimes comforting is not the answer if she cannot learn from herself. As much as you love your mom, she is a grown woman and I wouldn't go out of my way for her. She can still be your mom while you and your sisters live your lives.

    And good for you to be such a good sister.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:18 PM on May. 11, 2010

  • I agree. Be there to support your sister so that she doesn't turn elsewhere. Just be upfront with your mom and let her know that everything is okay between all of you (if it is) despite the move. Remind her that you moved out at that age, and to just look at how things are better now. Families can be rough sometimes. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • being the parent of a teenager, let me tell you it's no picnic. i'm aware of many teenage girls, including my own daughter, who decide the grass is greener elsewhere. sure, your mom's not perfect, and some moms just aren't good with teenagers, period. but really that doesn't seem to factor in much - teenagers are some of my favorite people, yet i went thru the same stuff. your sister doesn't want rules, that's the bottom line. she thinks you'll be more lenient, and you probably will. is that in her best interest? my daughter is the one who told lies in my situation, and ultimately it was best for both of us that she go stay with my mom - we were both really in bad mental states due to the fighting. my parents were way too lenient and some things happened that caused suffering. on the other hand - they may have happened anyway, and my daughter was able to calm down a bit. our relationship ended up fine. ...
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:33 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • talk to your mom... let her know you don't blame her but that you have a home available if it is needed. talk to her and your sister to find out the underlying issues - if they are things that are causing alot of stress for everyone, and the stress would not be transferred to you but an alternate living arrangement would help, it might not be the worst thing, even though it hurts your mom's feelings. let her know you offer this to be supportive of her and to help everyone get through a rough time. but i highly suggest you all agree on rules and boundaries and all agree to stay in communication with each other - it may help your mom and sister communicate to separate a while. your mom is probably feeling blamed, hurt, and very scared for your sister, which is why she resorted to lying. everyone just needs to be real with each other and listen to each other in order to make a decision that works based on keeping the goal in mind
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:38 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • ... the goal should be getting your sister through her difficult last childhood year rather than issues of control...
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:39 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • Your mother is a manipulative nut job and your sister is lucky to have you. Lay it on the line with mom and let her know that ya'll will be around when she can stop being a horrible person.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:51 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • OP: My sisters and I have tried figuring out exactly why my mom goes nuts when we hit our teens. Neither of us were "bad" kids; we never snuck out or stayed out all night. We did good in school and followed the rules for the most part and the rules we did bend weren't anything big and that was never the cause of my mother's nagging or bipolar-like behavior. I've even talked to my dad and brothers - she didn't act this way with my brothers so we just don't understand why she is this way with only us girls. As for my sis thinking she can get away with stuff at my house that isn't going to happen. I'm more strict than my mom ever was - even after I got my house and had my own family I visit with my younger siblings several times a week I'm usually the one they get lectures from about school and hanging out with the wrong kind of people. My sister knows the rules won't change with her living with me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on May. 13, 2010

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