Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Do men have a different set of words that they DO understand?!

I admit freely that I am NOT the best wife. I have PTSD and I am bipolar and of course the panic attacks, depression and all that has affected my life and marriage through out the 11 years we've been married. I am trying. I had stopped taking meds because of a very delayed change in insurance when DH went over seas for contract work. So then I just didn't go to the doctor. My depression returned and I chose to post this anonymously because I'm embarrassed at the fact that I have not showered in weeks. I don't want to get out of bed, and I don't want to leave the house. I barely have the energy to take care of my kids. My youngest will be a year next month and is very clingy right now. It's so hard. I need to clean house, but I just feel so overwhelmed. This has happened before, and my DH had no idea how to handle it. He just got mad at me and accused me of being lazy. I started meds again, but I still have these days.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:02 AM on May. 12, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I'm the Queen of Depression. I've got a lot of other labels stuck on me as well so I can identify. I now live alone so can let my house go if I want. SO is military and expects the place to be clean enough to eat off the floor when he comes by. Thank goodness he's gone a lot! lol Not sure we'd do well if we lived together though. I think it's a great idea to ask for help. It might even help make you feel better. Never feel badly about who you are. Remember dh fell in love with you "as is" so it's all good.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:39 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • but the meds help. DH is on his way home very soon and I am so happy that he will be home. But I am in tears thinking about cleaning the house. Or doing a little here and there and it not being good enough for him. I don't want him to come home and be mad at me. Would I be out of line to ask my best friend/cousin to help me organize?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • What the title means is that I've tried to explain to him that I'm not just lazy, I have a totally different set of feelings than he does. But he just gets hateful.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • Yeah. Beer, sex and dinner. LOL Jk. They understand the same words we do they're just programmed differently. They don't attach every word to emotions like we do. They seperate everything. THis is what I learned from our marriage counselor btw.

    Answer by GinNTonic at 2:13 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • Oh hon,,big super big gentle hugs tonight. Im so sorry for everything you are going through right now. PTSD and depression and bi-polar issues have a huge impact on a human being,,let alone trying to be a single parent while your partner is away. Your children need you,,,if hubby doesnt get it, then he just doesnt get it right now. Its better to accept that then beating your head into a wall b/c you are incapable of being the perfect wife that he expects. You need help asap,,,with a counselor. If you cant afford it, call,,,,make a call, to the human resource dept of your hubbys work,,,,or social services in your community,,,so many programs available to you, to help you with what you are dealing with. Sending prayers to you tonight,,,and I promise,,,that when you put baby down for a nap and find two minutes for yourself,,that shower will feel like heaven. God bless hon,,,,

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • My prayers and best wishes go out to you. I deal with the same diagnoses and my hubby just didn't understand and he too accused me of being lazy. What got me was the marriage counselor gave hubby a comic book on relationships and he understood that right away. Men are just wired differently. I chose to let my counselor explain my diagnoses to him, along with booklets. In addition, I'd began my own counseling sessions and developed an outside support group, within my city. That helped me to begin stop looking forward to my husband's approval/disapproval and reclaim my own gavel.

    Answer by Ewadun at 4:07 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • It is not about your words. it is about your actions. Stop putting your efforts into explaining why you have problems and start putting your efforts into fixing the problems. Call your cousin. Get back on your meds even if it means paying out of pocket. He doesn't want to hear any excuses. He wants you to at least do the minimum, hopefully more. If you need help ask for help. If you cousin can help you, go for it! Don't let yourself be paralyzed by guilt on top of everything else.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:58 AM on May. 12, 2010

Next question in Relationships
What to do?

Next question overall (Health)
birth control pill question