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Would you invite the bully too?

My son is having his 11th birthday party and we are inviting all the boys from his class to go see a movie. There is one boy who is a bully to everyone and I don't really want him to come, but I think it is mean to invite all the other boys and not him. What to do...?
If he is invited, I will not put up with any bullying, so I am not really worried about him being a bully at the party.
What would you do?


Asked by SleepingBeautee at 2:07 AM on May. 12, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 45 (192,108 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • Having had a son who was bullied mercilessly, resulting in us moving 1500 miles away, I can tell you that if you DON'T invite this kid, your child's life will be more miserable. He will be a new target. Either invite the WHOLE class or just a few friends so you don't make your son a target for excluding him.

    Answer by companygoddess at 7:11 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • No I wouldn't. And if his parents bitch about it, tell them to teach their son how to respect others.

    Answer by GinNTonic at 2:12 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • It's your sons day and if he doesn't want him to come along then you shouldn't. I hope that if you don't invite him he doesn't go on a rampage though.

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 2:20 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • If the whole class is invited, I would invite him, maybe that will give you an opportunity to teach him what isnt acceptable if he happens to act out.

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 2:36 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • Er, um, no... I probably wouldn't invite him but then again I probably wouldn't invite a whole class. It seems like a big shot at his self esteem to leave only him out and IMO if he is the habitual bully he probably already has emotional problems. That's always a tough line to walk. If you think you could adequately deal with bullying and have the balls to ask him to leave if he becomes a detractor to the fun of the party- then yeah, invite him. Maybe you can ask the teacher to have a few short words with him about several behaviors that will not be acceptable at the party or do so yourself. Hmmm...

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 4:45 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • If the whole class was invited, I wouldn't exclude him. I would, however, ask his parents to please have a talk with him prior to attending and also to be prepared to pick him up, on a dime, if and when I call them.

    Answer by Ewadun at 5:31 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • I'd invite him. Being a bully is often rooted in insecurity. Not inviting him will deepen his sense of insecurity and it could turn your son into the target of his aggression. If you're going to invite everyone, invite EVERYONE. I really think that including this kid and being nice to him could go a long way towards making him not act like a bully anymore. A lot of kids are bullies at this age and come around a few short years later. Compassion goes a long way.

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:26 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • We've had this problem before. I ask my kids who they want to invite to their party, and that's who we invite. We don't invite the bullies because we want my kids to enjoy their day. If the bully gets their feelings hurt, then maybe they will think about that before they start teasing the next time. Hurt feelings go both ways.

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 7:28 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • Nope.

    Answer by Christine0813 at 7:49 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • You know what...I had a similiar situation for my sons 10th birthday party (this past March)...there is this kid that was forever picking on Joshua at school and some other kids that are smaller than him. I did NOT want my son to invite him at all. But my son wanted to,so I bit my tongue and let it be. Turns out, he not that bad of a kid...I think he just felt a little left out being the new kid and all and a little on the "poor side" and just had some aggression built up. He was great while he was here fo rthe party and he and my son are pretty good friends now. Maybe he just needed a little acceptance...who knows..I'm sure not every kid that has been a bully turns out to be a diamond in the rough though,lol.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 8:03 AM on May. 12, 2010