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Interracial adoption and those who object?

I don't see a problem with interracial adoption but I often see people speak out against it, especially when referring to celebrity adoptions. My daughter is biological and she doesn't look like me. Yes, she has her father, who she does look like, but many others have single mothers of another race and absent fathers. I don't see the difference between this and adoption. I have the same responsibilities to teach her about herself and her culture and history and her worth as if I had adopted her. Incidentally, though my husband is half-Mexican, he was raised by two white people as he had a white mother and his white step-father adopted him. Anyway, I'm looking for a response from parents of an adopted child of another race or a child who has had parents who were both of another race.... (cont)

 
Bellarose0212

Asked by Bellarose0212 at 5:06 AM on May. 12, 2010 in Adoption

Level 19 (7,940 Credits)
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Answers (27)
  • We are in the process of adopting 3 siblings from foster care. We have had them all since birth and they are all still under the age of 2, so I cannot speak about their feelings yet. I can speak about ours. My husband and I are blonde with blue eyes. All 3 babies are black. We draw attention because most people think they are triplets (Twins and older sib born 10 months apart), then they start to ask very personal questions. The latest rash of questions are from strangers wanting to know about adopting from Haiti. I just chuckle when they ask where they were born and reply, right here in our fair city.

    I completely agree with NOT raising children of a different race with blinders on. I intend to raise them to be proud of how they look, where they are from and be open minded of the confusion and feelings that will come up along the way. I also intend to always raise them in diverse areas with same race mentors.
    love2snorkel70

    Answer by love2snorkel70 at 5:19 PM on May. 12, 2010

  • Of course, I will welcome any response but I am looking specifically for those because it seems that those who speak out against interracial adoption are often minorities themselves. So, I feel they have this perspective I do not share. So, anyone a minority who was raised by non-minority parents and do you feel this was a good choice? I feel like I can and will be a responsible guiding hand to my daughter with any racial issues she may face and also any children I may adopt but I also feel like maybe I won't always be able to relate. My husband, though, has faced few of these issues in his life so I'm not sure if he would even be any more capable of understanding. Surely too, two male parents or a single father may not be able to understand the lot of being a woman in a patriachal society- but they can still be understanding and guiding. Does being a parent really mean always having faced the same challenges your child will?
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 5:10 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • I am not against interracial adoption as much as I can't see why people do it. There are thousands of babies born here in the states everyday that need homes. Most of these children are considered special needs just because they are black. No one is stepping up to adopt them. I really do think we should take care of our own first.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • I do have concerns about those who want to enter into a transracial adoption. As a social worker and therapist that part of me has encountered parents who were raising very resentful children. Not just adoptive parents. I worked with several very loving mothers who were raising biological biracial children but were not sensitive to their child's needs. This usually presented itself in those tween/teen years. It was not done intentionally but it doesn't mean that it wasn't there. The parents were opperating on all that matters is love and being color blind. Because it worked, in there opinion, so far (up until they learned it so was not working). It was a shock to know this was a major issue. It was not the presenting issue, ever, for a parent seeking therapy for their child. Yet it unfolded. I have also known foster parents and adoptive parents

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:51 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • who say they are color blind. So they are not giving the recognition that the child wants but doesn't necessarily come out and say it. In private, in session, children have confided to me not being always comfortable. I am for transracial adoptions but I am also wishing more in depth discussions with potential adoptive parents about issues your child may experience, exploring thoughts, feelings, and ideas about race, culture, and ethnicity in our society and our families.  I would like to see families discuss where they live, how their immediate family and friends will support them, how they plan to connect to their minority child's culture of orgin, what plans they have for schools, books, movies, art, doctors,.....the list is endless.  To be real about if they are truly up for the challenge.  And it is a challenge.  In a very wonderful and enriching way.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:56 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • Anon 6:26-
    A couple of things..
    Did you know that in 2008 there were 55K children adopted from FC and only 17K adopted internationally. The stats for 09' are not available until October. Did you know that recent information shows that there are over 600K people seeking to adopt from FC in the US and the stumbling block is that there is no national adoption system- it is 50 different governing bodies that decide that children cannot be taken across state lines? There are thousands of people willing to adopt older children or minority children in the US- the system just sucks and makes it near to impossible.
    There is a difference between children in FC that have been removed and children born everyday to women under stressful conditions that don't think they can parent. Inter-racial does not mean international... people automatically think IA when they see white parents/ AA child/ Asian child..they could be bio or from FC.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 9:23 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • mcquinnisc, you are right. But people don't want to hear about how there are more adoptions through foster care than in dia or international. They think want they want to think. Many comments on my own son about what a shame so many people do international adoptions. Of course this is under there breath, meant for me to hear but not comment on. So of course I equally respond under my breath but meant for them to hear. In a sing song voice I say..."Black people are born in the United States too." I often get the frustrated comments from people who have strong feelings on international adoption. Sometimes I think it is not worth responding to. Why should it matter if he was born here or across the way? Then again so much racism sometimes in how we perceive what is a family and what it should look like. When your family doesn't match what someone else's view is...they get anoid.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:24 AM on May. 12, 2010

  • Frogdawg-
    Yep... our dd is adopted from China so of course I get the comments about "going overseas" instead of through FC. Bleh..we did what was right for our family and ya know what? My dd is amazing! I cannot imagine her not being in my life. I could care less how someone chooses to build their family. Their family- their decision.
    People just need to live and let live and not worry about what is not affecting them at all. If they feel so strongly about it- then they should step up to the plate and stop whining about others that choose differently.
    mcginnisc

    Answer by mcginnisc at 1:54 PM on May. 12, 2010

  • We adopted kids who look basically like us, but my DD is 1/4 Native American. We can (and will) try to find events like Pow-Wows, but I haven't figured out how to expose her to her particular tribal cultural heritage because it's not one of the better known ones. I may try contacting the tribe anonymously to ask, but there is the fear factor. Even though I have it in writing that they declined the opportunity to place her within the tribe, we are not up for a battle.

    At our adoption agency, they had a video for all PAPs who were open to any race (which we were). There were adoptees who had been adopted by families of another "race", and many wished that people wouldn't do that. It made me sad to watch it, but I was glad to hear their POVs.

    A lot of PAPs don't feel right about specifying exactly what their child should look like, but want to be open to any child they are blessed with.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 6:09 PM on May. 12, 2010

  • i have two children, one adopted and one biological. When i'm out with the two of them people often ask if my son is adopted, even though it really is my daughter that was adopted. my daughter is white and my son is half indian and looks alot like his daddy. and if my husband is out with my daughter they always give him weird looks because obviously she looks nothing like him. it sucks that people can't be more openminded.
    SusieQ5782

    Answer by SusieQ5782 at 6:26 PM on May. 12, 2010

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