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How to build trust??

ok.. my marriage has had some bumps in the road to say the least... we were married in october of 06 and there wa a fidelity issue by july after that we started drifting and i dont think it has ever been the same we never really dealt with the damage it left and things turned ugly since then there has been several fidelity issues on both sides and th most recent was on saturday. it made me realize i was about to lose my husband. we decided to give this marriage one last try and really try. we needed to find the people we were when got married because we lost us. how to you let go of all the hurt and start rebuilding trust?? how do you move on and get past all the hurt?

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logansmommy1018

Asked by logansmommy1018 at 2:43 PM on May. 12, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • Start with a good counsilor.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 2:46 PM on May. 12, 2010

  • It takes YEARS. And you have to be transparent with each other. Nothing is private. If he wan't to see your cell phone to see who you called you hand it over. If he says he's working late you check his pay stub and make sure there is over time. If one of you is going somewhere without the other you are allowed to call and check up. It just is a fact of life that you can not hide anything or have secrets. Eventually you can gain some trust back but it doesn't happen overnight.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 PM on May. 12, 2010

  • You both need to search really deep down inside yourselves and find the people that you all were when you got into the marriage. Remember the vows you both took on that special day (your wedding day). If your love is real and true and strong you two will save this marriage and go thru the thick and thin good and bad till death do you apart.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:49 PM on May. 12, 2010

  • counciling, open communication and setting boundaries so that there won't be that temptation is a good start. For instance, no alone time with anyone from the opposite sex (you may want to exclude relatives, unless relatives were involved). No chating on the internet or phone with the opposite sex either (other than business related of course) You may not be attracted to the person, but that really doesn't matter. set up one on one dates as well. Try doing some kind of study together (Love and Respect seminar or something like that). Its not hopeless, but trust does take time and marriage is a ALWAYS hard work. The more you work at it the more you show the other person you love and cherish them, and the better marriage you will have. :)
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 2:56 PM on May. 12, 2010

  • I do not really know. Because I would not want to try to fix a broken marriage. If you both have had affairs. You must not want to be married. You want to be single.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:01 PM on May. 12, 2010

  • Accepting the fact that the two of you were mutually responsible is a good starting point. That wipes the slate clean so you can start over again. In the book Why Men Cheat, it says the number one reason for cheating is that the man (or woman for that matter) isn't getting his EMOTIONAL needs met. So just start dating over again. One book suggests that you spend 10 min a day talking but not about the kids or money or anything like that. Just talk to each other about each other. That is where a lot of outsiders get their attention. They give them attention they are desperate for. Give each other that attention so others can't sneak in there and root you out.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:16 PM on May. 12, 2010

  • p.s. When i said start dating all over again I meant date EACH OTHER, not other people! I wanted to make sure I made that clear!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:17 PM on May. 12, 2010

  • thank you those were grea ides.. and to louise yes we really do want to be married we ve have just beenthrough alot. we have only ben married three and a half years and in that time we went through bitter custody battles for his daughter death of a parent unemployment homelessness two kids in two years and many many more we took alot of hits and it had nothing to do with not wanting to be married and it is exactly right our emotional needs were not beng met and we lost our way and why would you not want to fix a broken marriage??? we are married not dating you dont just walk away from a life together because its been rough we just need to start over and find eachother again yes we cheated but we never stopped loving eachother. and we needed to get to rock bottom to realize we need eachother..
    logansmommy1018

    Answer by logansmommy1018 at 4:00 PM on May. 12, 2010

  • I just do not see where being unfaithfull come into play here. It does not matter if a lot has happened in the 31/2 years you have been married. Nothing should make you stray outside the marriage. My DH was in the army for 20 years. Was gone a lot. Was in Iraq for 15 months and Korea for 12 months and all the other times he was gone. It never made me stray. I just do not see how you could stray. Unless you do not want to be married.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:49 PM on May. 12, 2010

  • well you are entitled to your opinion but if you were not gonna offer helpful advice you could keep your judgements to yourself but lots of marriages go through cheating ad still come out ok if you apply what you learned from it you can come out stronger
    logansmommy1018

    Answer by logansmommy1018 at 4:57 PM on May. 12, 2010

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