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Is it bad to have a big age gap between children?

My husband and I have three great kids. Their ages are almost 9, 7, and almost 6. I have wanted to have another baby for a few years, but I've had a tubal ligation and would have to have it reversed. Lately we both have been contemplating going through the process to have another baby within the next year or two, but we're worried about the age gap between our oldest and the new baby. It would be at least 10 or 11 years. We had our first 3 close together on purpose so they could grow up together and have the same intrests. My sister and I are 11 years apart, and I love it, but I'm not sure how my mom feels about having grandkids and a kid still in highschool. Does anyone have any advice or a personal experience, good or bad, that they would like to share? My husband is 29 and I am 27, so our age isn't a problem, it's just the age gap that would be between our kids.


Asked by April_418 at 2:07 PM on Jun. 27, 2008 in Pregnancy

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Answers (5)
  • I don't think there's an issue. My 2 SDs are 11 and 9 and i'm 6 months pregnant so the 11 year old will be almost 12 by the birth. I agree with the other reply that it helps with sibling rivalry. Also, it's much easier on the pocketbook when it comes to paying for college for the youngest. :)

    As far as the younger one missing out on growing up with the older sisters, unless they move away, there can still be a strong bond between them provided they want the bond. Just because a child moves out does not mean they won't come around necessarily--of course every situation is different though.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • I'm sure your Mom would love any grandchild. Is it easy with a huge age gap? NO, but at times it's not so easy when they are close together (as you know).

    If you and your hubby want another then have another. There is no question that the relationship between the baby and the older children would be different, but that's okay, all relationships are different.

    I'm about your age and I have sister that is 6. Of course my relationship with her is different, seeing MY kids are 6 and 7, but it doesn't bother me and I have 2 sisters and a brother in high school again it's a little different, but you know how it is....

    If it's what you want for your family then go for it.... the age gap is minor in the big picture.

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 2:14 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • My mom had 4 girls. Our current ages are: 25, 23, 20, and 13. The age gaps are pretty big between me (the 25yr old) and my sisters. I can tell you that I am closest to the younger two. The big age gap seems to have helped with the sibling rivalry. My only concern in your situation is that the youngest, like my 13 yr old sister, will be an only child when the other ones are adults. My little sister is the only one at home and she doesn't get the chance to really grow up with her big sisters. The three oldest are all moved out and on our own. I live in a different state than my mom and sisters. So while your kids will be close because of the age gap, the youngest may also suffer some when the kids are older because it won't get the chance to grow up with the rest. If you want another baby, then by all means, have one. I don't think its bad, I am just sharing my family's situation. Good luck!

    Answer by amp83 at 2:18 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • My family consists of his, hers, and ours on the kids for a total of five. We go from age 28 to 7 and they've all lived here, under the same roof, at one time or another. They all love each other and it hasn't made a bit of difference in the ages. My 7 year old was a surprise that we weren't expecting. The older kids have always been willing to help out with their little brother. He looks up to his older brothers and sister and loves to spend time with them!

    Answer by Sue41 at 2:48 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • I agree. My little sis is 16 now and I'm 27. She spends the weekend with me often since we live over an hour apart. She is my best friend and I like being able to talk to her about stuff that she would never talk to my parents about. She feels comfortable coming to me. She says I'm her second mommy!

    Answer by April_418 at 6:56 PM on Jun. 27, 2008