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ex-gf wants my BF to visit her... how would you handle it? the decision is mine

on one hand, I dont want him to go- i, personally, feel that she still wants him (a year ago- when she visited, she tried to sleep with him), she lives in Colorado, us in ohio.

but on teh other hand- i would be "okay" with him going. I trust him, not her. i'm not his mom, nor his wife (altho if i was his wife, i'd still be in teh same thoughts) so i cannot make him not do anything he wants to do.

BF wants me to basically make the decision. somewhat. he said that he told her that he's not gonna visit b/c he has a GF, but i know he wants to visit her-- this girl was his first everything in a way- first love, first sex partner (i am his second), etc.

what would you do? what would you decide?

she has a BF as well- but this convo came up b/c she called him, asked about us, and then he asked about her relationship, and she starting talking about her situation (problems in her r-ship), asking him when he was gonna visit.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on May. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • This question was answered for me when you said she tried to sleep with him. Why would you even consider it? Sure, MAYBE in his eyes the visit is innocent, but why would he even want to put himself in a situation with a woman that he knows wants him?

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 1:15 PM on May. 13, 2010

  • Ummm, no - why would he go visit an EX girlfriend??? I don't have a problem with my husband's ex-gf's, I figure they are ex's for a reason, but he's never asked to go visit them either, in town or most definitely out of town where he would be spending money, and the night, with her! My husband wouldn't even ask, because he would have no desire to see any of his ex's (yes, I know this - one of them contacted him not long ago via facebook with a sexually suggestive comment, he deleted it and told me about it)

    Answer by missanc at 1:15 PM on May. 13, 2010

  • nah, i would NOT be okay with it.

    Answer by mywonderyears at 1:15 PM on May. 13, 2010

  • No there is no reason for it.

    Why??? It would be diffrent if you were too double date them and you too, but what is the purpose of that??

    I would say no way. Would you want to visit your ex?? I am not sure but it depends on how you both handle your relationship.


    Answer by KFree907 at 1:21 PM on May. 13, 2010

  • I would have to say NO only bc he is with u they have no business keeping in touch especially if they were intimate sometimes people wish they would have made it with the person before but life moves on and now you have him. I know you trust him but just think when they are alone you know she is going to try something and yes your bf says he is not going to do anything but hey at the heat of passion they forget everything and he is not married to you. UH... I don't like it but that is just me. Get rid of all ties with her I see nothing but problems...try not to be naive about it either. trust NO ONE!!!

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 1:21 PM on May. 13, 2010

  • Nope, I wouldn't be okay with it either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on May. 13, 2010

  • wait what??????? I am NOT a jealous wife. There is NO way I would find that appropriate though. My DH and I are still friends with about one ex each and when we pay them a visit, we BOTH go, always. It is not a trust issue, it is a respect issue.
    He is able to go out with his friends, and I am trusted to go out with mine. Out of respect for him, it is either a girls night or he is invited. end of story.
    I cant believe you are even contemplating this.....

    Answer by jenellemarie at 1:25 PM on May. 13, 2010

  • are you serious? why would he even want to visit her? i would break up with him just because he even considered it.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 1:25 PM on May. 13, 2010

  • i'm actually fine with them being friends, etc. i mean, she tried to get him with him last year around st patty's day, so i've had over a year to kind of get over it. i've thought about the heat of passion- plus its like he cant go a few days without relieving some "stress" lol and it makes me wonder how he'd relieve it.

    i'm just not too sure how i feel about him visiting her. he'd take their mutual friend along, if it was ever planned. i dont want to "control" him and make him stay... but at the same time, i'm not sure if i trust what will happen, regardless of what he says. if that makes sense. i know that 99%, he'll be faithful- girls hit on him all the time, make sexual suggestions, etc. and he turns them down every time.. but they do have history. :-/

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on May. 13, 2010

  • Why is the decisions yours to make? If he wasn't interested in her, he would've stopped talking to her a long time ago.

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:30 PM on May. 13, 2010

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