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How do you keep communication from turning into arguments?

I dont feel validated by my SO sometimes when we talk. He is unsupportive. He doesnt try to sympathize with me. He thinks the problems are all mine and he separates himself from me. Im his WIFE!!!! Where is my partner?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:54 PM on May. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • If I had the answer to that question all my problems would be solved.....
    Deathlilly

    Answer by Deathlilly at 6:05 PM on May. 13, 2010

  • It takes two to argue. If you stop then he has no one to argue with but I don't think arguing is the problem. You are not understanding him. You are trying to make him change who he is for who you want him to be. My SO is like yours but he's still a good man. I learned he's just not a supportive person. He thinks it will toughen me up if I learn on my own. I used to resent it but now simply accept that's who he is.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:09 PM on May. 13, 2010

  • My husband is the same way. It took years of learning about each other and going to marriage counseling for 2 things to happen: 1. For me not to have such a high expectation of him being empathetic and caring. Men's brains are just wired differently and for 2. For him to try harder and showing empathy IN HIS OWN WAY! . sometimes he does it, sometimes he doesn't but it took me realizing he had different ways of showing he cared. But it took us a long time to arrive at that point and both of us wanting it to work. I think he realized that if he didn't start trying a little harder, we'd end up divorced and neither of us really wanted that.
    Mom_2_cuties

    Answer by Mom_2_cuties at 6:16 PM on May. 13, 2010

  • First off, I would'nt argue. It took a while to get it through my hubby's thick skull, that if he wanted to argue and yell, it was going to be a lonely argument for him. Just tell him, if you want to talk, I'm listening, if you want to yell.......I'm walking. Secondly, be precise in what you want and expect. It's not fair to expect him to read your mind. As long as he can get you to respond to his needs, with him giving back little or none, he will. "Long suffering" is an amiable trait, but doormat, is not.
    GMMOLLY

    Answer by GMMOLLY at 8:01 AM on May. 14, 2010

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