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Single in my 20s and I want to have a baby.. should I?

I am a single woman in my 20s. I have been in a strictly physical relationship with a man for a bout a year now. For the past 4 months now I have been having the strongest urge to get pregnant.I was raised by my dad while he was a single parent therefore being single doesnt scare me.I honestly dont ever see myself being able to be a "joint" parent, i am very independent, own my own home, have a great job working at a bank and I dont party,drink,smoke at all.If i did get pregnant by my lover,I obviously would not consult him first because I dont want him to think I am trying to trap him or complicate his life.I honestly want to do it alone.Obviously I would give him the choice to be in the babies life but he already has a daughter and a HORRIBLE ex wife that he has issues with and i dont want to make things harder for him.i just need to know some opinions on a single woman in her 20s getting "accidentally" pregnant on purpose?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:52 PM on May. 13, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (11)
  • thats not right to do to your kid, at least give your kid the chance at having a stable family with a mother and father. i was raised by a single mother also, and was it the worst life ever? no but not everybody takes it as well as others. i get pretty upset about it sometimes. why would you purposly do that to your kid?
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:55 PM on May. 13, 2010

  • I understand and agree that not everyone takes things as well as others. I personally have absolutely no resentment for being raised by my dad. I had a VERY full life with him and my grandmother and aunt and uncles and my dad is now happily married to a wonderful woman who was a single mother to her daughter... I dont think i would be doing anything to my kid because I believe he/she would have a very full life because I have such a wonderful family... and just as all of us dont handle things the same, some of us are not necessarily "marriage" material.. I was engaged for a year after being in a 3 year relationship and one day i realized it was not me. And a part of me is afraid it will never be me to be married or be a joint parent, and I think raising a child in a happy family, even if it only has one parent, is better than raising a child in an unhappy "normal" family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:03 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • No, you're young still; getting those normal biological urges doesn't mean you need to rush things.

    You may not need a man in your life, but kids do.

    I think you should have a heart-to-heart with your dear dad, and ask him about what it was like to raise you alone, and what he would recommend. He loves you the most, and I bet would be a big help with this question.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:03 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • Do NOT get accidentally on purpose pregnant via him. DO NOT. Opens HUGE issues.

    Be absolutely straight and up front: I want a baby but not a commitment. Are you interested in being the father? I am not asking anything of you that you don't want to give.

    Don't be surprised if he chooses to end the relationship. Which doesn't mean pregnancy is out of the question. There is always sperm donation.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:25 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • give him the option because if he doesnt want another kid he may try to persuade you to get an abortion and it will most likely cause issues between you two. or just bring it up in conversation when you two are laying in bed. hypothetically. if hes so against it you would be saving yourself alot of drama. if he would be whatevers or possibly even ok about things give it a couple of months before you try to pull your oops moment and get knocked up.

    or atleast wait until your 30 to have a baby. your biological clock isnt ticking just yet.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • If you want to do it on your own, go to the sperm bank.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 3:20 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • If you choose to have a baby, only you know when it's right. Just because you want to do it alone does not mean the child will suffer (as you already know). You are stable, independent and obviously know what you want. If you want a child, go for it. Don't rush the decision though. Think about it, as someone suggested, maybe talk to your father to see what it was like. Get his opinion. But if you DO choose to get pregnant, don't 'accidentally on purpose' do it by your lover. He has the right to know if you are trying. Tell him you want a baby, and he does not have to commit to anything. But I would be weary of that... he could always change his mind later. If you truly want to do it yourself, I would probably suggest a sperm bank like the PP said. Less strings that way.
    MrsDex

    Answer by MrsDex at 7:31 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • Certainly, before the two of you began a sexual relationship, you discussed what you would do in case of an unplanned pregnancy. You need to keep your word in this matter.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:39 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • I was almost with you until the "accidentally on purpose" idea. NOT a good one!! You will prob really piss him off and he will have rights to the baby if he chooses and you will be in for alot of heartache and stress. Not to mention what effect it would have on your child.
    Is there a reason you are in a "strictly sex" relationship? Have you looked for a long-term relationship or are you just not interested?
    While I admire the fact you are independent and financially secure (that's a great start)-it is alot of work raising a baby on your own! ( I know from experience after a divorce). I would really think long and hard about it first...look into costs of daycare...write out the logistics of it all--baby expenses etc and see if you really can make it.
    If you do decide to have a baby on your own, I would suggest artificial insemination or, if you are set on this guy being the dad, be honest with him and give him the option.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:55 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • i think its fine being a single parent but not by using this guy. He should have a choice. That would be taking advantage of him. What if he wants to be a parent? Are you gonna try to be in a relationship? what if it doesnt work out? Are you willing to share custody? Go to the sperm bank...or either talk to him about it and tell him how you feel and go have him sign papers saying that he is willing to do this for you and not have any ties to the child. I dont even know if you can do that.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:59 AM on May. 14, 2010

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