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I just spanked my 5 year old today...I feel devastated, a failure..

I am so devastated right now I can't stop crying. My husband is in Afghanistan and I am with my 3 children, ages 5, 3 and 1. Life is definitely tough..but there is no excuse for what I did today. DS (5) was very bad today, I was meeting my realtor and he was extremely disruptive..I spanked him over my lap 3 swats. Then, at night our dog was screaching, DS was being mean to him! Last he did the same thing and I tried reason and logic just like in the book and it didn't work! I was so scared that he cont. to be mean to our dog I spanked him again (4 swats this time)...he was screaming and hyperventilating. I noticed after this he has become withdrawn from me, sullen even. I value my special, trusting relationship with my children, I'm a spanker now! He will always remember this, and I will never get that logic relationship back! Why did I lose control? Please help! I broke my own rule! what's wrong with me?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:37 AM on May. 14, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (8)
  • Don't you worry, he won't always remember it and even if he does it won't be prominent in his mind. Every mother makes a mistake at some point, especially when stressed, and it isn't as if you've done anything awful. The same has happened to every mother on occasion, all of my friends have told me about these types of incidents. You lose control because you're human and children can be a handful! Your son will not stay sullen for long, just treat him like normal. You're a good mother and should believe in that! All the best to you.
    leah_rai

    Answer by leah_rai at 12:39 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • Hang in there mama. I won't argue the spanking issue, because I believe it's ok, but I will say that I and my three brothers were spanked, and we all had the capability of being reasoned with. Except maybe my little brother! LOL! Sorry you're going through such a rough time!
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 12:54 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • I wasn't a spanker either, but I did spank my oldest son once when he was 4 for biting another child. I was so upset when I realized what I'd done that I went & threw up. My son doesn't even remember it (he's 27) but I've never forgotten. I was never comfortable with spanking but I do think parents have to make their own choices about discipline. I think more important is that your son knows that you love him.

    I think it's okay to apologize, & tell your son that although he deserved consequences for his behavior, that you made a poor choice in handling the situation (maybe in other words) That parents aren't perfect, & can make mistakes. Let him know that his behavior was still inappropriate, & what the consequences will be the next time he behaves that way, & stick to the consequences that you set up.

    Don't beat yourself up, you have a lot on your plate & you don't have to be perfect, just make your decisions out of love.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:08 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • just explain to him why mommy was mad and what he did wrong. tell him you dont want to ever do that and you hate having to do that. make him understand you. thats what my dad did. he gave me a few minutes to calm down after a spanking, then came in and talked and told me he still loved me and i was over it. i knew what i did wrong and didnt recieve too many more spankings after that. he knows you still love him
    sstokes86

    Answer by sstokes86 at 1:11 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • What's wrong with you?

    You're a HUMAN BEING. Fallible.

    It happened. Forget it. Guaranteed that HE will. And will go right back to doing the things that make you nuts.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:49 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • Thanks guys! Feeling a lot better, I think I will try ohwrite's approach and see where that gets me; again, thank for all the support.
    momvswild

    Answer by momvswild at 12:15 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • He will be fine. And I bet you his behavior will change!

    Logic doesn't always work with children, THEY'RE CHILDREN. Sometimes that sting is the only thing that will register, and you HAVE to do it or they will run you over!

    Don't be down on yourself mom, you did what you had to do.
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 1:40 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • Just apologize and talk it out. You have 5 years of history together, he'll forgive you for screwing up once.
    RhondaVeggie

    Answer by RhondaVeggie at 3:47 PM on May. 14, 2010

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