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i know i need to ask, but....

my sis in law is sick and there is a chance that she might not have long to live. she has an 10yr old daughter who is autistic. her dad is in and out of the picture, but she has a very loving step dad that cares for her like she was his. but they r in the mist of a divorce. i so love my niece very much, but have 3 little ones of my own all under the age of 4. and i know how much attention an autistic child needs. i want to know that she will be taken cared of it anything were to happen and would like to know my sil wishes as to who would be that person. the thing is, i don't want her to think that we should be the one to take her. in my opinion it should be her step dad that has taken care of her since she was 3 and the most constant in her life, but my hubby says his mom (her grandmother) who lives 10hrs away and she only gets to see once a year, if that. so should i ask her and how do i tell her it shouldn't be us?

Answer Question
 
teddybear2272

Asked by teddybear2272 at 12:39 AM on May. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (146 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • If she wanted it to be you, she should have told you already. Has she made a will? Arrangements for her child would be included in it.

    In order to not be caught by surprise, you need to ask her what arrangements she has made.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:41 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • Let her know lovingly that you just don' t feel you would do the best job, as well as the fact you have 3 of your own and just don't think you could give the the attention she needs.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 12:42 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • Oh. As to the second part of your question...I see absolutely no way of saying that without sounding like a heel. I suppose I'd brazen it out. VERY likely the stepdad is already in the plan anyway.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:43 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • i agree u should ask her so u dont get a job u r not ready to accept. usually in a will there r considerations for the fact that the chosen person may not b able to or may refuse the request to care for a child. to avoid the sticky situation i would ask. it does seem to me that it would b especially unwise to leave the care of a autistic child to someone who has not offically accepted before the time comes to do it and whoever is going to care for her should start to have a relationship with her before her mother passes. it would make it easier for the child if that is possible and certainly for the new caregver. just b kind in your choice of words when u have the conversation and be honest. thats usually the best plan under most circumstances. dont wait until the last minute. if u feel u could make some sort of commitment to help out then mention that but only if it is truely the case.now u must b most kind and honest..gl
    emily1234

    Answer by emily1234 at 12:59 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • Im not trying to bash or anything. but have you ever thought about whats best for your niece? The poor little girl is going to lose her mommy. If I were you id sit down and talk to your sister about it and made sure your niece has a place to go when the time comes. Tell her to see if her step dad would take her in, or even grandma. But if worse came to worse and no one else will take her in, i would do whatever it took (regardless of how stressful it would be or being able to afford it) to welcome her into my home. After her mom passes the last thing she needs is to be felt unwanted by her family, and for your sister to worry about whats going to happen to her daughter wonce she passes adds onto the stress that she has already im sure. Family should be there for her through thick and thin. Just think about If you were in your sister shoes and if that was your daughter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on May. 14, 2010

  • thanks for all the comments. i do love my niece and if needs be we will take her. but like emily1234 said, i think she should go with the person she feels most comfortable with. in my eyes that is her step dad, the only dad she has ever known, and i'm pretty sure that is how my sil feels to. but i am going to talk to my her to make sure of her wishes. i just hope that whatever her wishes are that all of the family will abide by them. i fear that if she does choose the step dad that her sis would object and make a big deal of it. i want this to be as easy as it can be for my niece. i lost my mom 3yrs ago and i know what she will go through. just wish we didn't have to discuss this at all, but i know it is necessary. thank you again everyone.
    luv u me
    annie
    teddybear2272

    Answer by teddybear2272 at 11:57 AM on May. 14, 2010

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