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i want lots of opinions please..... privacy in a marriage....

like how much privacy should we have in a marriage. so he looks at naked women pic/porn, so he looks at gore, so he talks to women friends, when does what he does become our business. i am struggling after an affair and know that to completely trust him i need to stop checking up on him. so basically what do you believe a wife has a legitimate right to know.. how much of his life should be personal?? i am an open book by the way,. so its hard when some people are not..

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TaiM

Asked by TaiM at 12:51 PM on May. 14, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 5 (95 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Why do you have to trust a man that has cheated. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Tell him the trust is gone and from now on you will be watching everything he does. People should live their lives like an open book, they shouldn't need privacy.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 12:53 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • If he had an affair, he has no right to privacy. and if he's looking at this stuff, he isn't doing much to get your trust back because he has already shown that he cannot withstand the urge and by looking at porn and such, he is just walking a thin line to crossing over.

    Porn is fine in a healthy relationship without trust issues but not in a relationship where the observing party has strayed.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:55 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • Hi,, I don't think he should be hanging out with other women,, is he talking to them on the phone,, in chat rooms? I think that it is pretty normal for men to look at nudie pictures,, IDK about the gore part. I think you have a right to check up on him until you feel you can trust him,, there is something making you not, so I think you should trust your gut instict. How long ago was the affair? Is he saying your being too nosy--what does he have to hide?
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:55 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • lol What do you mean by open book? The truth is that he has had an affair on you before. You can forgive, but you can never forget. I dont understand his behavio here. If he truly is sorry for the affair then why is he continuing this type of behavior. I think you hae every reason to feel this way, I know I would. You might feel like an open book, but nobody wants to get cheated on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • I think both partners are supposed to be open books in a healthy marriage. If you have nothing to then it shouldn't be an issue.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 1:00 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • i just have a feeling something is not right, like there is an elephant in the room. but it could be my imagination. the affair was 8 months ago. i want to stop checking history and what not.. but its hard. i am just wondering if i am doing the right thing checking up on him.. if we were dating we would each have our own privacy. I suggested getting rid of the internet, but he likes it to much.. i don't want to be overly paranoid, but i don't want to be in the dark again either.. we have come a long way and things seem great , i just have a nagging feeling...
    TaiM

    Answer by TaiM at 1:09 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • If he is still looking at all that and contacting women on th internet etc I wouldn't trust him at all. I'd dump him.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 1:10 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • I agree that both partners should be completely open in a marriage. I'm not saying couples need to spend hours telling every minute detail of their day to the other but there should be communication. There is no reason to hide anything if nothing wrong is being done. I would say in your case, your husband has no expectation of privacy. He should be working very hard to regain your trust although I don't think forgetting what he did will ever be possible.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 1:14 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • I own him and he owns me...not literally..but everything he does IS my business. If he cheated on me and really wants to be sorry and be with me well then he should STOP looking at porn, and STOP talking to other women on a social basis. You don't have to be up one anothers butt 24/7 but there should be no secrets.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 2:27 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • There's no such thing as private in our marriage. EVERYTHING is open book between us, and because of that I don't NEED to look. I CAN look whenever I want to. I have all his passwords, he has all mine. We have NO secrets from each other...everything each of us does IS the other's business.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:35 PM on May. 14, 2010

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