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When it comes to mothers & fathers day do u think step-parents deserves to be recognize also for that special day?

My husband did not do anything for me that day and I was so upset. I am not a birth mom yet but I have been taking on the role as step-mom for the past 3 yrs and I think I deserved a little something...When he asked one of my friends if she knew why I was upset, she told him and his response was "but shes not a mom"...Wow what a kick in the head rite? Should have I been upset?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on May. 14, 2010 in Holidays

Answers (12)
  • Absolutley, without a doubt! Step parents can play very big roles in childrens lives...and deserve to be recognized for it. Thats really crappy that he views you that way. I would have a heart to heart talk with him about it.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 1:21 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • If you take care of and love the children like they are yours then it is your day too! Happy belated Mother's Day!
    imamommmmyyy

    Answer by imamommmmyyy at 1:22 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • It's such a touchy situation. I cut my biological mother out of my life a long time ago and I don't consider her my mother, but I do struggle with the whole step-parent thing, too. I feel close to my stepmom who has been married to my dad for 22 years, but I dread picking out a mother's day card for her. I just am not comfortable with a lot of the sentiments in them because we have a completely different relationship. In a lot of ways, she's better than a mother, but for some reason, mother's day doesn't really fit. Now that I have kids, it has gotten easier because she is their only grandmother. That feels like a better fit to me. That being said, in your situation I personally would feel really hurt by your husband. :(
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 1:28 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • If that's his answer then stop doing things for his kids. Let him do all the work and say I'm not their mom. Throw back at his face.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • That stinks, I'm sorry. Ask him why he dosen't consider you to be a mother and then tell him why you feel you are. I never did a thing for my stepmother on mother's day, but I also didn't do anything for my "real dad". They were not a constant, supportive, involved role in my life. But for father's day I would give my grandpa a card because he was the father figure in my life who I loved and appreciated. When my mom married my step dad, who I will introduce to people as my dad, I started giving him cards and gifts. He is the father that I love and respect and who will always be there.
    If you are a mother figure in dh's kids lives then you deserve appreciation for that. I'm not sure how long you've been in their lives but they may not feel comfortable showing that kind of affection, or they may feel it would be disrespectful to their mother. Just let dh know how you feel and maybe next year things will be different.
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 11:27 PM on May. 14, 2010

  • I think you have every right to be upset... I would have been PISSED if my DH said that about me. I probably would have told him to shove it & raise HIS kids himself since he is "the father"!! But I am a little more blunt than most people ;)
    Being a parent doesn't necessarily mean a biological link. My SD calls me Mom, because I AM her mom. Her BM abused & neglected her, and I am the primary female caregiver in her life now- BM only sees her once a month or so (whenever it makes her look good), so how is she more of a mom than I am? Just because she shares her DNA? Nope, sorry.
    emslala

    Answer by emslala at 2:50 AM on May. 15, 2010

  • If the birth parent isn't in the picture, and the step parent treats them as their own child, and cares for them like a birth parent would, there should be some recognition. Both my parents are still around and with other people. On mother's day, I get my mom a gift, but try to send my dad's girlfriend a card, or at least call on mother's day. (he says he's never marrying again, but they have lived together almost 6 years). On fathers day, the same thing, I try to send dad a gift and call, and I'll tell my step dad, who has been married to my mom for 10 years happy father's day. I was almost 17 when they got married, so he didn't "raise" me, and I don't see the steps as any more than my parent's significant others, but I do care for them, and respect the fact that my parents do.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 3:18 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • 1st of all I think Anon who said to "stop doing things for his kids" was being very childish herself. If you love and care for them, you are an important part of their lives, and they would be devastated if that suddenly changed. (Not that I think you planned on taking that advice!)

    I don't know if you have them full time, or part time, but even if you have the kids part time, if you care for them as a mother during that time, & are an important part of their lives, of course you should be recognized on Mother's Day. Especially be him, as a thank you for loving his children & making them an important part of your life together. My son was 4 when I met my husband. He raised my son, was a full time Dad to my son, coached his baseball team, went to his school functions, was an important part of his life. Even if my son didn't consider him his Dad, (which he definitely does) I would have wanted to thank him on Father's Day.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:12 PM on May. 15, 2010

  • If the birth parent is not in the picture, then yes. If the birth parent is, well then I wouldn;t expect the step parent to be recognized as well, for they have their REAL parents around to recognize. I would have never given my mom or dad's spouses anything for mother's or father's day, for they aren't MY REAL parents.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on May. 16, 2010

  • I have always given my step-dad a gift, even though he didn't raise me and my dad is around. I don't give him the same as my dad, my dad raised me, but my stepdad has been good to me, and he's a wonderful grandfather to my kids, and it's an opportunity to show him some appreciation. I would not be upset if my son did that for his stepmother. I think the issue here is that her HUSBAND should show appreciation for her efforts with his children. It's always nice for someone to let you know that they see and appreciate what you do.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:58 AM on May. 16, 2010

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